Re: abuse to affair, rejection, suicide and depression... Please someone help me understand

Wow, what a post.

Who do you think is the victim here? Do you think you were the victim? Do you think his wife and kids were the victim?

At what point do you think he was ever the victim?

Think about it and you will get the answer you seek.

You are not the first young woman, nor the last to fall for a middle aged man with zero ethics. He really took you for a ride. You're lucky to have escaped, and escape you should.

Do over. Start from square one. This is the time to be strong and resourceful. That is the work you need to do now. Be very busy with your recovery, make it your holy grail. And don't let anyone stand in your way of getting your shit together. Anyone that looks like they are going to tear you down, or make your foundation unstable, dump them as fast as possible.

And as far as the person you've become from the person you were? Learn from this experience. You can never go back and be that carefree young gal, but you can be a wiser woman that knows what to look for and not get trapped in this kind of relationship again. You were lucky not to have married this dude, had kids with him, like some of us did with our Narcissists.

The best thing you can do right now is focus like hell on work and school. Start to gather a good strong base of supportive friends. Time to shore up your resources. Go apologize to those friends that really were good friends. If they really were good friends they will help.

Start to pull your family in for support too.

Honey, there is no shame in being seduced by a middle aged man. It's one of the oldest stories around. You were not stupid, you were young and naive.

I know how confusing this all must be. After all this man controlled you for a couple of very dicey years. It's hard to have that control removed quickly. Time to make up your own rules.

I remember the day that my a**ho** ex who abused me for years, kicked me out of the house. He was having an affair with another woman, who to me was beautiful and accomplished. I thought I didn't have what it took to make it. I was 26. Well I'm 52, and I'm here to tell you that was the most pivotal point in my life. I am today because of my experience way back then. I'm accomplished and happy. BTW, that other woman dumped him the minute she found out he was getting a divorce LOL!

You've had a bad couple of years. Years from now (looking from my direction) you'll think back on this as not the most stellar of times for you, and you'll be grateful it is over. Other challenges will happen as life goes on, good and bad, but you have to have some amount of control over the things you can control.

It is time for you to decide. Right now. Do you want to go back to that controlling, unethical middle aged man, or do you want to take control and live a full and fulfilling life of a mid-20's girl? What do you want?

I wish you a lot of luck my dear.



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