Happyness...

You are going to have oodles of thoughts of many kinds, for at least a year.

...Especially thoughts of 'blame', which niggle something awful.

That's why you need friends who agree to listen, but not comment except to applaud, for no more than 15 minutes at a time, once in a while.

(You don't even need to tell anyone the 'details' of your experiences. You can even prep your friends that you may lie in these sessions, simply to get out enough of your true feelings.)

Don't worry, for years to come you will get moments of clarity, where you see exactly what was 'really' going on...flashbacks...revelations.

I came to realize that *I* had fed into my own unhappiness, once upon a time...

...I 'bought' it! None of it COULD have happened without I agreed in some way...however foolishly.

I very much like your saying that you could have reacted in 'horror' at some of the events, as they happened.

But, I was 'full of' the milk of human kindness at the time...I thought I had made the best of choices, and that I was being a true and loyal wife. Hah!!!


Still...you say...

"...I have a feeling he is watching me at night."


THAT is something to ACT on, immediately!

...NOT because he may actually be doing it, but, because you FEEL he may.

You don't need the FEELING!


So, arrange to be elsewhere, at night.


Move. Sell your car, and move closer to work...use the bus. Send Granny's tea set to a specialty antiques auction (to get the best price), and move closer to your childrens' school. Become 'house sitters', even among friends and acquaintances who know your honest and tidy ways.

Become a tour guide. Work nights, anything that allows you to come and go from your home only in daylight.

It doesn't matter if he is watching you or not...if you FEEL he is, you need to get where he couldn't possibly.

We 'own' our own feelings. It is no use 'burying' those feelings...trying to talk yourself out of them...they do more damage, inside, until we are completely away from them.

Remember the times you were afraid, when you were a kid? Of course you do.

Hushed, or poo-pooed, those feelings are never far beneath the surface...until, as an adult, you see what was REALLY going on...and comfort the child within.

All same as you stay with, support, and comfort any fearful child, today.

Make a game of moving, just for now, for your childrens' sake...short of running away and joining the circus. ...And don't tell them your real reason...they have enough memories to deal with.

Instead, show them how little the past really matters, now that you are working toward a happy future.

Kids are gifted that way. Life is so new and exciting to them that they are soon on to the next interesting thing.

But, HEAR them, daily. Maybe sit on their beds and ask..."What has been on your mind today?" "What did you notice today?"

Kids are smart...they'll tell you...even if you need to listen hard...and comfort them in distracting ways. ...Like making small changes, tomorrow, that surprise them.

All of life is new to us all, daily. Each day is brand new. And there are surprises, opportunities for change...daily. Think ahead.

As Scarlett said, "Tomorrow is a better day!"


Gad, can you imagine Scarlett's emabarrassment if she read the book, afterward?!

Certainly it didn't tell how she had 'moved on', since then.

:D

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