You are not alone. I fear that I have ALS which is a terminal illness and its horrible but I think to myself everyday when I look at my kids that they will grow up without their mom. It sucks. I am 12 months post removal and I still struggle with this off and on as my symptoms come and go. My husband thinks I fear this disease because my uncle is dying with it now. I dont know...but I hope and pray one day I move on past this. I am sorry you are also struggling. Good luck