Re: I love your post!

Hey Molly, I was hoping you would weigh in! Your story is so familiar...though we were a little older. I'm not sure I was any wiser! He definitely was a learning experience, and I would never tread into romantic territory with him or anyone else even if the opportunity presented, I have too much respect for my husband and it would stupid to blow a good thing, but yeah, I gotta admit there are times when I feel slightly mis-matched on the passion scale, even when everything else is really good, and it probably makes me think back to the way I used to feel with certain guys, this one in particular, but none of them would have been good for me long term. I made the right choice for someone to get old with. By the time I lost touch with that guy, the romance was officially long over, and probably that last year was truly over for me, emotionally. I remember that last visit, he was clearly not happy to have me there, was obnoxiously distant and for some reason had also stopped showering, so the extreme B.O. was kind of the nail in the coffin on any lingering attraction - lol!

I think I was more mourning the loss of a really close friendship that I hadn't actually planned on giving up, kind of like a hurt, stubborn silent treatment turned into a permanent loss of contact, and once I was a little older, a little more mature, less self-involved, I realized why he apparently wanted nothing more to do with me, and I wished I had apologized and tried to make things right, stay in touch, but by then it seemed too late, and with no action on my part for another couple of years, it was REALLY too late. So in that sense, no closure. I don't blame him one bit for cutting me loose, I mean I think he could have handled it better as well, but I wish I had been less attached, less immature, more aware, I think we might still be friends.

Actually for the past week I haven't thought too much about it, I think it's actually centered around re-examining my own choices, like my short obsession with looking him up on the net for his whereabouts, projects, pics, etc. is more about trying to figure out who and where I am now, vs. who I was then, and whether I went off track and need to find that girl again, or whether I'm right where the universe meant me to be and it's all good. Mostly I'm not happy with my professional and creative life, and I wish I'd had the stamina and courage to pursue my passions the way he did. He was my biggest supporter, and I was his biggest fan. Maybe I just miss the mutual admiration society....