Maria and 17,
Those are both extremely helpful responses. I've copied and pasted both.
In addition to this problem I'm bipolar. At this point I'm pretty much a hermit so the comments come mostly from family unfortunately. When one comes after trying SOOOO hard for so long to make huge changes then it's so disheartening. I just don't want to do this anymore and I feel beat the heck up. I came right here because it has helped more than anything finding others who know how awful it is to try to live like this.
I actually finally got the guts to talk to a second doctor telling him what I'd heard on this board. I copied one small paragraph out to show to him and carried it with me. NOTHING! He'd never heard of it.
I just don't want to live like this anymore, who would?