Edited

It makes me yelp
When I eat kelp!

It tastes like something washed ashore.
Something dead that dogs adore.

They'd love to roll in kelp, I fear.
They'd roll and roll with doggie cheer.

I can not eat it in a clump.
I can not eat it as a bump.

It clings to my back teeth and stays.
It won't wash off and makes me crazed.

I try to eat it as a drink.
I try while tears I have to blink.

It makes me gag, it makes me retch.
I do it though it makes me kvetch.

I eat my kelp, though, yes I do.
I eat it every day, times two!