Re: need advice

Hey Court, first of all, there is no need to feel embarassed!! If you read through this forum you will find that we all have our problems and its part of life. Lets say you are at a pretty severe downcicle right now but you can work at it to make it go up again.
What I gather from your post is that you feel pretty small right now. God, I know how easy and tempting that is to feel like that....noone loves me, I have no friends, I just shut up and cry later....I can feel the sadness in that! BUT if you want to get out of this, it is crucial that you stop seeing yourself as a victim. You are you and a great individual. You dont need your husband to exist. You certainly dont need him to be happy. Okay, I suppose you know that most posts will say you have to leave him, move out and all that - I'm not saying thats a bad idea but I believe you have some work to do before you are strong enough to do that.

So my advice is, work on your self esteem first. You have your own needs and rights and if noone else does, it is your responsibility to make sure your needds are met. If he doesnt like your friends, so what? Does he have to like them? Can you start doing something for yourself? How about a part time job when your little one is in kindergarten? How about signing up for some interesting classes or a hobby like a sport, where you meet people who like you? This is what I would do: I would start working a couple of days in the morning whenever your kids arent there- put some money on the side from that, it can never hurt to have some that way, if you decide to move out, you are not totally relying on others (if not, use the money to take your kids and yourself on a holiday). Or save up to buy yourself a car and make a conscious effort to go and visit a friend maybe once a week for a coffee or a glass of wine or visit a yoga class etc.. Tell your husband this is the time you need for yourself now.
Someone once said to me that for someone to put you down it also always takes your permission to let them put you down. If you can find the love for yourself he will not have the power to put you down anymore and believe me, he will be very surprised. I dont know if marriage counseling can save you guys from splitting up but maybe its worth a try. I believe there is two routes for you: One is counseling and working on yourself and him and the other is separation- both options can bring you happiness back but you have to do something. Good luck!