You're only suffering because you're attached to your thoughts. You believe your thoughts are true :-) You won't be able to change them unless you self inquire.
May I offer some suggestions.
1. "Loving What Is", by Byron Katie. WONDERFUL book which will help you release your judjements on self and others. I am sensing you have many beliefs about yourself that are in resistance and therefore holding you back from feeling good.
2. Get some Abraham books. The 3 that are everything you will need are "Law of Attraction" "Ask and it is Given" and "The astonishing power of Emotions" - they sell that on amazon quite cheaply as a trio.
3. Look at the Abraham DVDs. Start with "The secret behind the secret" and also look at "Law of Attraction in Action episode 1"