Re: Need some relationship advice

hi, I would like to comment on the issue of children.

You need not necessarily take it personal if your wife fears "she will be left to deal with the children in real ways", as sadly you're not the only man likely to leave all the chores to the girl. Men of our generation typically begin with very good intentions, but by the time the (first) baby is two-three months they'll have already left it all to the mother. They will be there when they can and feel like, while the mother will have to be there always, and not much be allowed to have moods holes and needs, and that is the real difficulty. If any concrete help comes to the mother, it comes most often from grandmas and other women, but men...oh, well...parity of sexes (if it exists) stops when children arrive, in various degrees. Sad, isn't it.

When I had my baby a girfriend recommended me to do something she hadn't done, that is ask for at least 1 hour a day for myself. One hour? i said to myself, is she fanatic or something? of course I'll have one hour, well I'll have half the day if it has to be 50/50, as we both were studying. Wrong. No matter how loud I required it. It would be 5 hours maybe one day (but I wouldn't be said it beforehands, so I wasn't given enough time to organize something), then nothing for days, then an hour but with my baby returned in awful conditions (unchanged or too hungry or whatever), then a few days possibly ok because I had already made a scene. Still now that my son is 3 i had to make a scene this evening because Erik couldn't care less for how much he eats and what, while confining me to the antipathic role of the girl who's going to deny next week all sort of sweet food because that and that only my son wants to eat. He even comments with sarcasm on how fun it must be to deny him things.

I'm happy for your girlfriend that she is aware of this, I wasn't. Did you say she has a successful carreer? she'll have hard time with that, as the first years at least she'll likely be obliged to work only part-time, but if the children are 2 or 3 these first years can become 10. How the hell can a woman have a career after years of (quasi)absence? she can't, and she'll be running all the time. How can one be successful in anything if put in such a stress? Yet many women miracoulously make it, and they also make it to be charming, beautiful and elegant and in wonderful mood with their men, because being less than beautiful is out of question for a woman of character.

I got carried away, sorry, this that i am describing to you has been the hardest discovery of my life. It isn't the same hard for all women, those that have some empty space that needs to be filled will not mind being such caring angels. My life was very packed of interests ad passions, and I had to sacrifice a lot, it hurts i tell you. But what I wanted to suggest you is a very simple thing for a guy who's earning a 6 figures salary, that is tell her that she's gonna have all the doulas and nannies she'll ever need. And as you're there why don't you give her already now some delivery boys and collaborators of every shade and speciality. A friend of my mom has a driver, a masseur and a cook living in the householding, guess what, she is always relaxed and splendid, even if being a doctor she works 15 hours a day. That beautiful salary you gain must be used some way, right? why on earth don't you have someone else go to the supermarket I wonder. If she is so hungry for attention fill her with gifts BEFORE she's reduced to require anything, spa treatments are an easy winning, special and expensive delicacies too, on an every day basis, more important things sometimes but better with no specific reason (how sad to receive a necklace only for christmas or anniversary). Is there anything more satisfying than spending an awful lot of money on a girl that you like? and one evening that you'll have her a bit more mellow because the bottle of Sauterne is beyong half, you'll have the chance to ask her what is the hole she wants so much you to fill. You might have the best shrink in town, but your man must still be your best friend, I agree with Molly. A friend and a galant man, it is a very sexy combination, do you see this? I see your role climbing up as fast as a rocket.
Good luck!