Re: Need some relationship advice

89122,

You might have noticed in my post that I didn't completely succeed in restraining my bias, I know this kind of situation well and it always happens to the last person on earth who deserves it. I grew up as a "nice guy" also. I like to think that I learned not to be too nice (time will tell) and have been saying "No more MR. Nice guy" for 45 years (lying, of course). My whole family was dysfunctional, but that was because of my sister being so nasty. She had always been a very nasty person as far back as I can remember. She may or may not have been popular with friends, but very nasty to the FAMILY simply because it's "SAFE" (family is safe to be nasty to, other people aren't "safe"). That's what is so infuriating. We made it safe for them to be like this. Most people in the world would thank God for such a safe environment, but they use our integrity, honesty, sincerity, principles and gentleness against us. They wouldn't resent the noble character of a friend of the family so much as they do our character because we have grown through the years with them and know their past and who they really are (our character is an affront to their conscience, a mirror into their soul). There might be something in her past and she is afraid that you could not forgive her for (to her, you are too good to be true). With proper and effective communication, you could be her counselor sent from God (her savior), don't give up.

My sister was so moody that one day I mentioned to my mother that she seemed to have a definite "double personality". My mother disagreed and said "No, I think it is Bipolar" (actually, very small difference, if any). Over 40 years of being so nasty, my sister's brain chemistry probably changed, maybe your wife's also. Don't let her drink diet soda. Aspertame is a very dangerous brain chemical (mimics MS, deteriorates the myelin sheath, causes heart palpitations, etc.). Mono-Sodium-Glutamat (Natrium Glutamat) is just as bad.

YOUR particular philosophy of life (your character/nature) is that life should be "good", her philosophy is not (she "learned" differently from life). The two of you are from different worlds, that's why you cannot understand her and she cannot understand you. She is scared (like an INJURED animal). She won't let you finish saying what you have to say (by changing the subject/topic/issue,...general confusion of the REAL issue at hand) because she already knows that what you have to say can be very damaging to her and EXPOSE her secret schemes.

Don't walk on egg shells, she senses that and knows she has you on the run (and is happy you do that). You are a very "special"/important/"imposing" character in her life, when you "confront" her, she "cringes" in fear. So, have mercy and be gentle (she'll notice) and do not "confront", EXPOSE (leave no unspoken words) her secret intentions, schemes, and insecurities so she can no longer hide them from you (she will start respecting you immediately).