a whiner

hello everyone,
I have a daughter who is 3 1/2 years old and I have several problems with her.
I started my parenting journey trusting and following the AP parenting style. The 2 of us were always together and I promptly met her needs. As the months went by, I think I probably should have delayed a bit my answers and trained her to handle little problems on her own, but I guess I didn't do that part so well, or else I would not be facing so many problems today.
Basically, she has grown up to a terrible whiner. She asks for help for tasks that should not require any help at all for her skills. She refuses to do simple things ( like get dressed, eat from her plate etc), pretending to be a little baby. She is either defying the rules, or acting completely passive. ( i.e. she will either say " I don't want to brush teeth" , or she will want me to do it for her). She whines in a tyrannic way all day long.
I have read some books and tried several approaches to enlist her cooperation, but unfortunately I have trouble being consistent, and my self-confidence as a parent is low ( partially due to the present situation). Other people say the child behaves beautifully with them, however, it is also true that she spends with me most of her time. She seldom plays alone and requires lots of attention, if not given she is likely to sabotage what I am doing. She also shows aggressive behavior towards some of her toys. She often plays the "mom" who withdraws from her babies or negates her very needed help for futile reasons (i.e. doll as a tummy ache and mom goes at the grocery, etc.) When facing a difficult situation or a boring chore she will start crying about imaginary "aches" here and there. I live on 6th floor with no elevator and we have trouble every time we have to climb up stairs.
I now tend to feel guilty for not raising an happy, confident child as I would have liked and hoped to.
I hope to get some good advice from other parents.
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