Bad first date

Okay, I'm going to tell you a story about the mother of one of my friends. After 30+ years she and her husband divorced. In her late 50's she had pretty much decided to give up on men...until Conrad. Conrad was very artistic, about 10 years her junior, very sweet, good looking....she was thrilled!! So Conrad asked her out to dinner, but asked her to come over to his house first for a cocktail....

She had decided that perhaps there might be life after divorce after all. Conrad was smitten with her. So she carefully dressed for their big night out, making sure everything was as perfect as could be. She dabbed some perfume behind her ears as she was leaving the house.

Conrad had opened a nice bottle of wine. As they sat on the couch chatting, he casually asked her if she had every smoked pot. She hadn't, but feeling sort of adventurous, and a bit drunk she agreed. She had smoked cigarettes years earlier, so figured she might not be a total loser at this....

Conrad brought out a bong. She was amazed at how smooth it was. Had about three big tokes.

At first she felt a little funny, but then all of a sudden her stomach felt bad. She excused herself to the bathroom right off the room they were in.

The first thing she did was barf. And as she was barfing, she realized that she had to poop. Not sure what to do, she sat down on the toliet, pooping while barfing in the sink. It stopped after a few minutes and she thought she was okay. As she was looking for cleaning products it started up again. Same thing happened. She was afraid to leave the bathroom. So after 25 minutes in the bathroom of assorted expellations, skirt completely off, she was getting up to start to clean when it hit her really badly.

As Conrad came into the bathroom because he was concerned she'd passed out, she had her face down in the toliet and her butt (fully evacuating) into the air. And she was really high.

When she told us this story, I was sitting between her daughter and her friend, a Nun. Her daughter peed, I snorted something out of my nose and the Nun layed on the floor in a fetal position for a long long time. We were trying to be supportive, really we were.

Conrad sent her a very uncomfortable email about two weeks later after the date. She decided he probably wasn't the man for her.

Molly Tweet