One thing it may help to remember is that threatening suicide is one of the manipulations that works the best on women like us. What an amazing amount of power someone can have by threatening to kill themselves!! And if he did, you are NOT responsible. Look at it like this: This man, who has NO PROBLEM packing up and leaving you and your child WHENEVER HE WANTS TO, who has NO PROBLEM leaving you in tears and financial trauma and heartache, is going to kill himself, WHY?? Because he LOVES you?? Doesn't make sense, does it?

At this time, in this place, RIGHT NOW, this is what he will do for the REST OF YOUR LIFE if you continue to be in a relationship with him. Picture that. Can you accept him back in your life, threatening to kill himself, sucking you dry emotionally, leaving and coming back over and over till you are oh, say, 75 or 80 years old?? And do not forget - and this is the biggie, this was hard for me to admit - we become narcissists of a sort, too, when involved with them. We become SO focused on our own pain and survival, and on THEIR stuff (they demand it by their actions), that we often neglect our childrens' mental health. They see mom crying and ineffective, brushing them off because we are blue about our man. What happens to them? My son suffered terribly as a young boy because EVERY BIT OF MY ENERGY BECAME FOCUSED ON MY NARCISSISTIC, ABUSIVE MAN. I cannot tell you what my son did from age 5 till about 8, I was totally submerged in this dick-of-a-man. Is that what you wish for your child?

If this man is a "baby-daddy", as my daughters' narcissitic dad was, then my suggestion (remember, it is a suggestion only) is to have as little contact as possible. If he is not very involved with your child (and my guess is that he is not), get away. Do not make the mistake of trying to persuade someone like that to parent. They cannot do it or if they do, they do not do it well. Get away. Unhook yourself mentally. CHANGE IS AN ACTION, IT IS NOT JUST WORDS. A person who has "seen the light" would not threaten suicide. He would seek help, real help. he would admit he took your money, and try to pay you back, WITHOUT EXPECTING YOU TO GET BACK WITH HIM. He would realize that he is not an effective partner, that he hurt you so bad why would you even want him? And he would take steps to change this FROM THE OUTSIDE. He would not demand BACK IN in order to make it work.

Picture this relationship AS IT IS, because until it changes, really really changes, it is where it is TODAY. Do you have the time and energy to wait and hope it out? Can you afford it? No, I think not.

I am sorry that you are in this position. There is lots of good reading in this forum. There are also interesting articles at drirene.com about Narcissitic Personality Disorder, I think it is in the Abuser section of that website. A man named Sam Varkin(?) wrote a book called Malignant Self Love, about narcissism, and this website posts lots and lots of excerpts. It really has helped me to understand not just what "they" do, but what I do, too.

Keep posting

Yes, I remember very well how often my ex would threaten to kill me, the kids, and then himself (sometimes, in front of our children), and finish his threat by screaming, "You WANT me to do it, don't you?" The last time he did this was, again, in front of our children. I told the children to go out into the backyard and play for a few minutes. Since my ex kept a stinking arsenal of handguns and assault rifles, a gun was easy access. I calmly walked upstairs, retrieved his .357, brought it downstairs, placed one bullet in the chamber, pulled back the hammer, and offered the handgun to him, butt-first, so that the weapon was pointing at me. I then told him in a very quiet tone these words, "If you're going to shoot yourself, do it now. I've loaded the gun and cocked the hammer for you - all you have to do is point it at your head and pull the trigger. If you don't shoot yourself, right now, you are never to threaten me with suicide, again..." and I assured him that I would call the Police, mental health crisis lines, and any other agencies I could dream up if he ever did it, again. Shortly after that, I asked for a divorce. I would not, in retrospect, ever advocate that anyone else follow my foolish example - it is an example to merely demonstrate how insane NPD can make a person. I felt that I had had enough and that, if he chose to shoot me instead of himself, at least I would not be suffering any more abuse. AGAIN - I DO NOT ADVOCATE ATTEMPTING SUCH A STUNT TO ANYONE ELSE, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

With an NPD, there is no "fair play." There is no compromise. There is no such thing as being heard. There is no safety. The NPD supply source is a matter of property, devoid of human value or concern. Healing from the abuse of an NPD takes years of hard work and severing ALL TIES with them, regardless of their pitiful cries or promises to "change." My philosophy is: I'll believe it when I see it. Children who are raised by an NPD parent either develop into an NPD or into the perfect victim.

An NPD has no empathy for the suffering or joys of another human being. If you have a broken leg, they suddenly have a headache that requires immediate attention. If you have earned a promotion, that achievement will be shot down as a minor event. In the world of NPD, it's all about ME - what makes ME feel better - what someone can do for ME - what's in it for ME. A very lonely, dark world, to be sure.