21st century phone etiquette or rude... 
GuitarMatt
20 y
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21st century phone etiquette...
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I broke up with this girl that I had a 9 year on-again/off-again ex girlfriend about a year ago. Without me asking her she claims to not have slept with anyone. 4 months ago after not talking to her for 6 months I called her, saw her, but stopped talking to her again until a week ago because: We had been talking then on this one particular day she sent me text messages from her Cell Phone to my email account instead of answering the phone. I finally sent an email to that text phone says, "It's a complete insult to have someone text messaging from the same phone that they're screening your calls from." I didn't speak to her for another 4 months.
Then a week ago I got back in touch with her. She answered half of my phone calls saying that she was sick with this withdrawal from an opiate based drug. I said to her, "I thought you already stopped using that" then she said that she had, relasped, and was quitting again. My gut tells me that this was an excuse to get out of spending time with me.
A few days ago just like 4 months ago, once again, she didn't answer this Cell Phone with email capabilities. After avoiding 2 of my phone calls I finally sent a email message to her Cell Phone saying, "It's obnoxious not to answer a cell phone with caller ID. It's like evidently being home with 3 cars in front of the house and not answering the door. Don't email me again" She sent back an email claiming to be with a friend. I guess she's sick when it comes down to doing something with me but not with other people.
I left a voice message this morning that said "It hurts to get blown off like this" then finally left a message saying, "I want nothing to do with you."
I can't help but to notice the correlation between last year when she finally got thin (she was always 30-50 LBs overweight) and started avoiding me. I'm not trying to get back into a relationship with her but I just can't deal with this attitude against me that she didn't have before.
She says she's too busy to date anyone else but I say that she's lying to me and maybe she wants to lead me on so that an ex-boyfriends phone number pops up on her caller ID to make the new lover that she supposedly doesn't have jealous. I don't see why else her actions don't match her words. We had been able to date in the past without a relationship and that's what I was hoping for. But she always has one excuse or another to get out of spending time together.
I guess I should just be accepting of this rude 21st century phone etiquette which makes it acceptible not to answer the phone with caller ID, huh? I think not! Like I wrote earlier, not answering a cell phone with caller ID is like not answering your front door with 3 cars in the drive way. I'm 30, by the way, but anyone who has any suggestions to offer about mistakes that I made or that she made, I'm all ears.
Matt
More
- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
20 y
1,510
MoreThis is a reply to # 666,001Oh, wrote the timing of her weight loss incorrectly. I meant to say that when she was finally thin last year after being 30-50 LBs overweight she came up with excuses and avoided me after a 3 month relationship that she initially insisted on. I also lived 3000 miles away for a few years and after us dating for 3 months she came up with all kinds of excuses to cancel a date. Maybe a coicidence but my gut tells me no.
- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... adie32
20 y
1,499
MoreThis is a reply to # 666,001i'm wondering why you want to pursue open relationships to begin with. wouldn't it be more fulfilling to be in a relationship with someone whom you are deeply in love with and that has the same feelings for you?
if she keeps calling and leaving text messages, just do unto her as she does unto you and don't reply back. plain and simple:)
i hate to be blunt here, but it does seem kinda "petty" of both you and this girl to be carrying on and playing these silly games with eachother for so long.
if it were me, i would consider not being a participant in this game anymore and moving on to a more productive, long term relationship with someone who you can get along with, share common interests with and not just sexual feelings for.
- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
20 y
1,541
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This is a reply to # 666,006I'm not pursuing an open relationship and neither was she years ago. It's just that at that point of time, I didn't try to commit to her and vice-versa. We were engaged at one time 8 years ago.
I figure she definately doesn't want a relationship with me so I'm trying to take the pressure off of her by making it seem like simple dating. She said things to me such as "I'm too busy for a relationship. I haven't slept with anyone since you last year" but not with that tone of voice that indicates that she was trying to clue me in that she wanted any involvement with her.
I think that she's playing games and ever since she's been thin vs. overweight her interest in me has dropped. She claims it's because she's so busy but I think that's a lie.
I just wanted to date and it would've been nice to get the truth instead of what I suspect to be an excuse.
I've tried saying "I'm never talking to you again" last year after displaying such aloofness only to get back in contact with her. So knowing that she would be a danger of threating a friendship or dating with her isn't enough of a threat to make her treat me better. I think that she could care less.
Should I just drop all contact if she attempts to contact me like some friend? When I was on a date with her 4 months ago, I said that I wasn't going to be some plutonic friend nor was I pursuing a relationship. She agreed to get physical and have an overnight date. Yet a few days before that she came up with an excuse just honoring the going to the movie part of the date saying that she allotted only 4 hours to our date. Just obnoxious in my opinion.
Here I am 2 months later getting the same type of BS.
- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... adie32
20 y
1,474
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This is a reply to # 666,007sooooo let me get this straight here. you told her you don't want a plutonic relationship nor a serious relationship. is that right? what is it exactly that you want from her? cuz what i get out of the whole thing is that you want a romp in the hay with her and that is it. that's the way i would take it if i were her.
also, why did you break up with her in the first place? was it because she was overweight and you were sick of it? just curious because you seem to mention her being overweight when you two were in a serious relationship and now that she is of average weight you feel she is shunning you.
i'm not sure what to tell you at this point except to maybe just move on with your life and forget about this girl........it sounds to me like she's already got a few issues of her own doing that need to be dealt with. the best thing you could do for her is to be there AS A FRIEND to talk to her when she calls.
adie
- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... adie32
20 y
1,403
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This is a reply to # 666,008oh, and if she leaves you a message to call her and you call her back and she doesn't call you back, well then, so what, who cares, you tried to call her back and just leave it at that. it's not the end of the world, right? ;) - Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
20 y
1,488
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This is a reply to # 666,008I broke up with her because she had a history of lying to me.
Sorry Aiddee, but a demotion to friend is only what a spineless guy would accept. For knowing her and putting up with her crap for the last 9 years I expected better.
And yeah I'm offended that when she finally gets thin that she comes up with excuses not to see me.
Matt- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... #1409
20 y
1,635
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This is a reply to # 666,010This has not been a healthy relationship.
You need to accept it and move on.
Too much time dedicated to a complicated situation. This is not fullfilling experience.
Sometimes is not good to keep in touch as "friends" or "semi-dating" or whatever you want to call it.
I think you are giving excuses to yourself. This is not the right relationship for you. Learn what you need to learn. You need to face the truth. Why are you doing this? What do you really expect from this relationhip?
Sotp judging her behavior. you cannot change her. You only can change YOURSELF.
Is this what your want and deserve?
If it does not make you happy, move on and Let her to move on...
Love
kl
- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
20 y
1,434
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Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
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This is a reply to # 666,011"Why are you doing this? What do you really expect from this relationhip?"
I guess I was lonely and I'd hate to admit it but validation from someone who I felt snuck out of my life with excuses. I guess I simpley wanted to be validated as desirable.
- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... #1409
20 y
1,571
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Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
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This is a reply to # 666,012Hi
I was checking your past posts..
You look like a nice and sensitive man.
That is great.
Maybe you need to work on your self-confidence...
You need to face what you need to change and improve in your life.
Good people around you will increase your self-esteem.
Complicated people will drain you.
Love yourself!!!!!!! You will be fine....and you will find true love...!
kl
- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
20 y
1,425
This is a reply to # 666,013I blocked her email...
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Am I jumping to conclusions? I've blocked her email before only to unblock it, then become like Charlie Brown having the football pulled away by Lucy.
By showing her aloof non-interest in my face I got validated as an undesirable guy instead of the opposite, which was to be wanted.
I did just block her email. Am I overreacting? Should I be as dramatic as to block the email?
Matt
- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
20 y
1,599
This is a reply to # 666,015I blocked her email, I told her not to email me again last night, not that she was, and she replied by a text message back to my "It's disrespectful to have caller ID on a Cell Phone and to not answer it. It's like having 3 cars in front of the house and not answering the door." She replied "It's disrespectful to keep calling me when I have a friend over (supposedly a 400LB male plutonic friend.)
I called 3 times and since she wasn't answering her Cell Phone she could only send the email from her Cell Phone back to me. If I email her that cell phone rings.
I've gone out with the c*** on and off for 9 years and this is how I'm treated. I doubt she'll email me except for small talk but I've blocked her email address anyways. F this, am I overreacting to block her email address?
- What really matters.. #1409
20 y
1,601
This is a reply to # 666,021Overreacting?
Lets analyze this..
Why did you block her e-mail? Is it a way to tell something to her?
Do you want to hurt her? Why does she have to answer all your calls whenever you want? What if she is working or taking a shower? Why do you want to talk top her so much?
What happens in your mind and in your heart is what matters...You only know...
At this point in life, what do you want? Do you have goals for your life?
Do you want to REACT to things or do you want to have a plan of action in your life?
Do you want to get married? have a family, pursue a career?
I think it is important to have goals because they give direction to your life...Whatever the goals are...
After having goals, you decide what you to do to acomplish your goals....it is like a plan of action.
You decide what you want to do, what you want to say and when based on your goal and your feelings, desires, values and emotions.
It does not matter if other people think you are overeacting.
What matters is if YOU FEEL you are overeacting.
IS blocking her e-mail what you really want to do. Or you want to talk to her?
I think it is not about overeacting but about knowing what you want from this relationship. To be HONEST with yourself is very important. Why do you keep callign her? SHe is busy, she cannot answer the phone, for whaterver reason...
You already broke up. She has the right to see any person, with any purpose, sex, plutonic, whatever..
DO you want to go back with her? Do you love her??.. Go and talk to her clearly and tell her you love her and want her back...
You don't want that? O.k. so, forget about her and move on. Do not try to be friends.. That is not good. Why? because you already have many other feelings. You could be friends in the future but not right now...be honest about your feelings.. You need to heal any wounds you may have and probably she does too, Healing takes time and distance..
But you need to be honest with yourself. You need clarity. You need to know what are your feelings, what you can accept and what hurts you.
Make a list, write a letter to yourself.
If you are not clear about your life, you are stuck on this unhealthy pattern of rejection.
It is time for you to know yourself, remember: your desires your values, your expections...and what are you going to do with those...
This relationship is telling you that you need to work on some issues, like confidence, comunication, clarity, honesty...
It is your life, you need to do the best for yourself..
I hope this help
- Re: very good job 1409!:) adie32
20 y
1,385
- Re: very good job 1409!:) #1409
20 y
1,616
This is a reply to # 666,025Matt:
I just re-read this:"
When I was on a date with her 4 months ago, I said that I wasn't going to be some plutonic friend nor was I pursuing a relationship. She agreed to get physical and have an overnight date. Yet a few days before that she came up with an excuse just honoring the going to the movie part of the date saying that she allotted only 4 hours to our date. Just obnoxious in my opinion."
Why are you doing this?
What you want from her is just sex?
Let me get this, you do not want a relationship with her but you want have sex with her....
Do you think that is something she can agree?
Most of women want a fullfilling relationship with love and stability and security..
No wonder why she does not want to talk to you..
She is a human being, she has feelings, and the right to have a good relationship and love...
She also has the right to say NO..
If you cannot offer that to her, let her go.. If she lies, You do not deserve that, let her go... Move on...
If you really love her, be honest an tell her what you really want..
- Your ex will fill a void #21676
20 y
1,569
This is a reply to # 666,025GuitarMatt
Your ex will fill a void in you that needs to be filled by someone else.
You sound very much like me a few years back. Same patterns of not breaking off completely and not moving on. I no longer have any connection with my ex, period. I finally cut off all ties with her, threw away all objects and photos (ok that was hard) of us because it kept false hope alive and kept me from pursuing and finding a real relationship with someone else. After years of on-again-off-again relationships it HAD to end. She was filling a void in my life (and vice versa) as friend/ girlfriend/ whatever... that needed to be filled by someone else, someone who was a better match for me. Like someone else said, you can't really change someone, especially someone around 30 years of age. Staying friends or a sex-only relationship rarely works. There will always be an underlying issue that will get in the way of forming other healthy and newer relationships. Your ex will fill a void in you that needs to be filled by someone else.
I took my losses and moved on. We then tried to be "friends" but that was a HUGE mistake. I lost years focused on false hope. The worst regret I have now is having spent so much time trying to force our relationship to work, when I knew in my heart it was over long ago. Time is truly my most valuable resource, and time gets more critical when I got past 30 and still want the whole family and kids thing. Your ex will fill a void in you that needs to be filled by someone else.
My opinion is to find someone else, date and befriend lots of people - when you find that girl who is the one, your ex and her relationship with her will become very clear and you will wonder why you put up with so much unneccessary heartache. It will hurt, very badly, but break it off - the hurt is only temporary though. 9 years is a long time to be trying to still work things out. Sounds like you are trying to force things to work like I did. Your ex will fill a void in you that needs to be filled by someone else.
Oh, and... Your ex will fill a void in you that needs to be filled by someone else.
Just my opinion. Good luck my friend.
- Re: Your ex will fill a void GuitarMatt
20 y
1,454
This is a reply to # 666,027I got a letter from her last night and simply responded that it's best that we go our seperate ways.
Someone on this forum asked if I was trying to hurt her by blocking the email and I guess I was. I didn't block her email but I already wrote "That it's best that we move on. Need I say more? No." and that's the last letter that I'm writing to her.
I don't hate her, and she's not as toxic to me, as I can be to myself dealing with her. I just can't handle it, as there is no point to any pretense of a friendship.
I feel a lot better than I did yesterday because I finally moved on in a way that I never had in 9 years from her. It's a done deal, I'm never writing or responding to her again. This isn't to hurt her but to protect me. It would be hard to respect myself if I put up with such a disrespectful attitude so it's time to execute the Never word perpetually.
There's no point in dealing with her anyways!
Matt- Re: Your ex will fill a void winkie
20 y
1,575
This is a reply to # 666,028Hi Matt, I am actually Jenkins don't know if you remeber me or not. My Jenkins identity stopped working for some odd reason. Now first I have got to say it is Platonic not Plutonic, Plutonic means-- formed by solidification of magma deep within the earth and crystalline throughout.
And now, I seriously hope you are moving on as you said. I still stick by what I said to you a whil back, Drama Queen. You seem to blow things out of proportion and get your undies all in a bunch.
As for telephone etiquette, one does not have to answer their phone if they wish not to. There is no rule or law that states one should always answer their phone. Whether it be for avoidance, being unavailable, or simply not wishing to talk to any or one particular person one is not required to answer their phone. Nor does a person need to answer their door if there are three cars in ones driveway. This is called privacy, and thank goodness we are able to avoid situations that may intrude on our privacy. Perhaps you are home and you and your significant other are getting it on, do you get dressed and answer the door??
Your statment shows that all you wanted from this ex was SEX. Period nothing more nothing less. Not knowing the actual situation the two of you are in, I would still take a guess and say this did not go over well with her to some extent. I would be mortified and humiliated if this was all my ex wanted from me. Granted I would have let him know immediatley what I thought of his ludicrous proposal, but you and your ex have quite the history of dysfunction.
Try to stay true to your statement of moving on, it seriously is the only thing left to do. Nothing worse than being that guy that just wont let go, in one way or another, I have had ex's do this kind of crap to me, and to this day I do not talk to any of them, it is a very rare relationship that can end with friendship.
Good Luck, and please try to daye a bit see what's out there.
Jenkins- When you know someone for 9 years: b... GuitarMatt
20 y
1,493
This is a reply to # 666,029I remember the Jenkins name. I made it a long time without speaking to her, had a date where she told me she was interested then changed the game. But I made it 6 months without talking to her before. Now I won't speak to her and I'm not making an announcement to her about that.
I can remember your "panties in a bunch" statement and you're right. I've known her for 9 years so I've got to disagree with you about the not answering the phone with Caller ID bit. I hope it was worth it for her.
Thanks for correcting my misspelling of plantonic.
Matt- Re: When you know someone for 9 year... jenkins
20 y
1,539
This is a reply to # 666,032Funny Jenkins works at home but not at work okee dokee. Plantonic?? It's okay really it is. NO people have the right to NOT answer their phone. Caller ID makes this even easier when you don't want to talk to that long winded friend right at that moment or talk to the ex who keeps calling with his undies in a twist and he's getting pissed because you don't want to talk to him. Face it she is no angel and her actions speak loudly that she needs some help or something similar to guidance, but she has the right to not pick up the phone(no matter how long you two have been going at it off and on) when she KNOWS it is you calling. This should tell you LOTS. The lots it should tell you and that which you seem to have already learned is to stop calling her. You seem really nice, and REALLY sensitive. Moving on will be good for you, and seriously if you have been on and off again for 9 freaking years and it hasn't ended in marriage it should end permanently. Think of all the time wasted, time is a precious commodity my friend, and I am sure we have all been guilty of wasting our fair share of it. But if your gonna waste it, waste it chasing someone else.
Ta for now.
Jenkins
- Re: When you know someone for 9 year... jenkins
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- When you know someone for 9 years: b... GuitarMatt
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- Re: Your ex will fill a void winkie
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- Re: Your ex will fill a void GuitarMatt
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- Re: very good job 1409!:) #1409
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- Re: very good job 1409!:) adie32
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- What really matters.. #1409
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- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
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- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
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- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... #1409
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- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
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- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... #1409
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- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... adie32
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- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... adie32
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- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
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- Re: 21st century phone etiquette or ... GuitarMatt
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