i just don't understand anymore 
newbie
22 y
1,408
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I'm so seriously confused with my boyfriend these days. We've been together for almost 3 years now, and sometimes things are great but many times I just can't take anymore and I feel like breaking up with him.
In July I left for a month to visit family in Europe. Before that we were doing alright, some problems here and there but we got along. When I came back we tried to spend time together but with his long work schedule it was difficult. Now I've moved to LA in order to be closer to school and he's started going to night school. So now we hardly talk on the phone and never see each other in person. I am so used to talkign with him before I go to sleep or when I get home from classes.
He went away for the weekend to visit family and before he left we had gotten into an argument about our relationship. I asked him if he wanted to break up because he made it seem like he did. He said "I don't know", now what is that supposed to mean?? He then said that he doesn't want to but it sounds like I want to. So he basically turned it on me. I don't want to break up with him because we love each other a lot, but I don't know if I can trust him without my being here with him. He's been known to hang out with girls younger than he is, and he's gotten in trouble with his boss for this a couple of times. He and I started dating when I was 17 and he was 6 years older than me.
Any time I ask him about whether he's seeing someone else or if he's intersted in anyone else he always tells me the same thing "Why would I want someone else when I have you... Why would I do something to jeopardize our relationship when you know I love you." He's said this so many times but I just don't know who he hangs out with or what he's doing. He has girls phone numbers in his address book and when I ask him about who they are he takes some time to think about the answer before answering me. So it seems like something fishy is going on.
I really need help about what I should do. I'm young and I don't want to be married, I want to experience other relationships and new things in college. He's already passed through it all and he's at the stage where he is ready to get married. I've already told him that I can see us getting married later down the line but not now. I don't know what else to do because I love him and I don't want to lose him.- Re: i just don't understand anymore Southern Belle
22 y
1,162
This is a reply to # 61,375The first thing I noticed about your guy is that he never actually told you if he was seeing someone else when he was away from you. He turned your question into two questions back at you. Immediately I saw RED FLAGS! Plus the fact he actually carries other womens' phone numbers in his address book? Just friends? I don't think so, since you probably don't know them.
It also sounds like to me that you are so insecure with the relationship anyway. You hit him with too many questions that he can't or won't answer. The foundation of any relationship has got to be trust--not exitement and passion. Not the butterfly feeling in your stomach. No, it's trust and friendship. All the other stuff fades. I promise you that. Too many people make the mistake of trying to recapture those feelings over and over again, but they eventually fade away. If you can't talk to your guy now, what will you do in 20 years if you are still with him?
My suggestion would be to back off completely and see what happens. From my experience, men LOVE a challange. If you suddenly become unattainable, you will find out just how much you mean to him.
Study hard in school because that is the most important thing. Know how to support yourself with or without a man. You make yourself happy first and then you will see happiness all around you.
Then let us all know how your life is going.Advertisement
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- Re: i just don't understand anymore Angie
22 y
1,329
Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
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This is a reply to # 61,376What an interesting topic. My children's father used to try the same type of stuff with me. I stopped asking about the phone numbers and instead would change the numbers without him knowing. I would cleverly make a 3 into an 8 etc. Now of course that is not the answer, but it kept things fun for me. When I was doing this, I had already made the decision that I was eventually leaving this man! But until I had the resources to do so, I wanted to have a little fun. I agree with the earlier posting that trust is the foundation for a good relationship. How would your man feel if you were walking around with some man's phone number? How would he feel if the shoe is on the other foot? If her cannot respect your feelings after you have clearly explained them to him, then you need to consider finding someone who will. I put up with too much crap and got a disease from it----he says they are just friends---yeah right! Then ask to meet them!- Re: i just don't understand anymore anonymous
22 y
1,179
This is a reply to # 61,378It doesn't particularly sound like your man is ready to settle down like you say he is, just because he is older than you doesn't mean he's in any more of a hurry to get married. The proof is in his phone book. A man who is ready to settle down won't be carryng around other woment's phone numbers if he's seeing someone for years. That's the sign of a man who'll have his cake and eat it too. You say you are young, so I think your best bet is to experience life. Go out, meet new people, make new friends, concentrate on school and your career. You say you are in a new city, this is the perfect opportunity to take advantage of that. If your love is in fact real, and if it's meant to be, you'll be together down the road. He's had his fun, now it's time you have yours. Plus, the way I see it is, if you're stuck in this relationship which you can't even trust the guy, you're passing up someone special who might come along because you're too busy focusing on your man's whereabouts. Let him go, if he loves you, he'll come back, if he doesn't, oh well, you're better off then. That will give you the chance to meet and be with your true soulmate. This guy might just be a temporary blindspot. Also, is this your first long-term relationship? Because it's sometimes easy to get caught up in these pointless games. If this is your first long-term relationship, you need to get out there and experience other people, only then can you make a rational decision. But the bottomline is: focus on yourself and everything else will fall into place.Advertisement
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- Re: i just don't understand anymore anonymous
22 y
1,179
- Re: i just don't understand anymore Angie
22 y
1,329
- Re: i just don't understand anymore Southern Belle
22 y
1,162
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