Am I wrong or is She. 
#9625
21 y
3,182
My ex-girlfriend and I were broken up for about 4 months. We remained friends since we have a 2 yr old together. In the 4 months apart we both had been with other people. No problem.
Here is where it gets messy. She brought my daughter to visit me and she stayed the night. One thing led to another and we had sex. Afterwards she told me how much she still loved me and how much she missed me. And I felt the same. We agreed that we would continue "seeing" each other for sex. However I thought that we would be exclusive. But when she went home she continued sleeping with this guy she was seeing from before she came to visit. I guess my question is, should I consider what she did as cheating and should I trust that she won't do it again.
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- Niether ithinktoomuchthereforeiamalone
21 y
2,664
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ithinktoomuchthereforeiamaloneThis is a reply to # 595,114Welcome,
I have been in your shoes. My situation, however
was with my ex wife. I am gone a lot. I live in a
different state than my ex. For the first couple months
after filing for divorce, I went through much the
same emotions that you are more than likely
experiencing right now. So is she...
I would go to visit my daughter, and my ex would
come on to me... she would say the words I needed
to hear, and one thing would lead to another as you
said. But when it was all said and done, the problems
that caused our divorce were still there.
It took me a while to finally realize that it wasn't
her, and it wasn't me... neither one of us were
in the wrong.. we are just both human. It is very hard
to erase the emotional bonds created by a long term
relationship.
I had to stop putting myself in the situations that
would lead to such activity... it was hard at first.
I still care very much for my exwife... but now it is
more of a sisterly love, and respect since she is the
mother of our child. We still see each other from time to
time... and yes the temptation is still there. But now
I am older, wiser and having realized it for what it was,
I don't fall back in.
Something else that really helped for me, was that I
realized that it was not fair to my daughter for me
and my ex to carry on like that. It was confusing for
her, and slowed the healing process that MUST occur when
a family is divided.
Good luck, I hope this helps.
-thinker
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- Re: Niether xyla
21 y
2,556
MoreThis is a reply to # 595,115I completely agree with you. However, and I guess I left this part out, we have since been talking about not only getting back together but also getting married. But I am having a hard time accepting that after expressing all of her feelings and emotions that she still had for me, and agreeing that we would still see each other, that she would go back and be with someone else. She says she wasn't cheating, and I see it differently. When she was here I had a girl call me at 1:30am to come over. My ex got jealous and I assured her that I would not call or see this girl again. I guess all I am rambling on and on about boils down to one question. Was what she did cheating and am I wrong for having such a hard time getting past it.
- a little longer response... sorry ithinktoomuchthereforeiamalone
21 y
3,016
ithinktoomuchthereforeiamaloneThis is a reply to # 595,116Xyla,
I am having an incredible time expressing myself this week... You missed the point.
There is no right or wrong in this situation. There is only heated emotion, raw feelings, and disregard for
what is best.
You and your Ex both still love each other...
Love is great. It can make a relationship stronger, but
it cannot hold it together. It takes a lot more than that.
Neither one of you wants to hurt the other... you WILL however as long as you attempt to carry on like this.
It helped a lot in my situation that I didn't see my ex as much as you do. I also did not call her. I remained in contact with my daughter, but would only talk to my ex on the phone as much as politeness would allow.
She has a new man in her life. You have a new woman. You have both made attempts to move on with your lives. For the healing process, this is BEST. NO, it isn't easy.
If she is living with another man, then I doubt that she is planning on leaving him anytime soon. I DON'T CARE HOW OFTEN OR HOW HEART FELT IT SEEMS WHEN SHE SAYS, " I still love you and want to work this out." UNTIL he or she moves out, then it isn't going to happen. IF and WHEN it does happen, you need to give her some cooling off time, or you will find yourself in a triangle. DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR CHILD.
I hate to sound preachy... I hope this helps more.
BEST CASE SCENERIO:
If you really want to try to make this work. STOP dating other women. DEVOTE time and energy instead to your child. Give your ex the space she needs. DON'T pressure her. Let he find her own way. IF you don't you will never know for sure how she really feels. Just keep in mind that you CAN'T make someone love you. If it is there you will know by the way she conducts herself, the way she treats you, and more importantly how she treats your child. That includes the enviroment that she establishes in your daughters life.
A thought for you to ponder...
You tell your ex you love her.. she comes over... she then returns to another man... HOW DOES THAT LOOK TO YOUR CHILD?
WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU SENDING HER? everything you do, is setting the example for your daughter. She is learning, right now, how to interact with her future boyfriends/husband.
I am going to do something I don't normally do here...
This is my email addy. If you have MSN, you may add me and we can talk about this one on one. chrisman44@hotmail.com
Think about it... there is no right and wrong here, but there should be, "what is best for your child"
-thinker
- a little longer response... sorry ithinktoomuchthereforeiamalone
21 y
3,016
- Re: Niether xyla
21 y
2,556
- Re: Am I wrong or is She. DeeAnn
21 y
2,555
This is a reply to # 595,114I agree with "Thinker"
Although it has never happened to me... Its not uncommon and I've known a few people that even after a break up or divorce still slept with their ex from time to time...sometimes it the relationship thats bad .. not the sexual attraction..
Do as "Thinker" did and dont put yourself in the situation to let it happen again...- Re: Am I wrong or is She. ocean
21 y
2,656
This is a reply to # 595,117i wouldn't say she's cheating, but you definately feel cheated. she sounds confused what she wants, could be torn between the bond she has with you and not wanting do deal with conflicts that come with it? but for the sake of the child i wouldn't do it. when we have kids we must put their needs first, not our own desires...that just contribute to more conflict.
- Re: Am I wrong or is She. ocean
21 y
2,656
- Re: Am I wrong or is She. mtnndeww
21 y
2,508
This is a reply to # 595,114"Trust" went out the door when you didn't stay committed. She can't be trusted and neither can you, no offense. Sex is just that between ex's...sex, nothing more, nothing less. She got her cllmax, you got yours. Don't read too much into it. You both broke up the family for apparently good reasons. Those reasons still remain even though the sex is good. Move on and erase your memory of her.
- Re: Am I wrong or is She. ks7997
21 y
2,567
This is a reply to # 595,114I just wanted to give my opinion and let you in on my experiences with this which I am actually still going through to this day.
I am only 24 years old, not been married, and have no children, but I dated my last serious boyfriend for 5 1/2 years. I was completely in love, thought I would be married and the whole nine yards. It became a rocky relationship and we eventually just went our separate ways. We did not speak for quite a while, but of course as the story usually goes, we crossed paths again.
I know deep down in my heart that I do love him, as my best friend that he was, and I learned lots of lessons from him, but he is also my EX for a reason. We do still see each other, and we talk way more than most ex's probably do. Being that we had such a passionate relationship, we do still sleep together also.
I am going to lay it on the line. Sleeping with your ex is NOT a good idea! I love to spend time with him, but no that we will never be back together. I hate the thought of him being with someone else, but I will not ever be that person. Me having so much contact with him, only makes that harder for me each day. He lies about wht he does to protect my feelings as will I at times, but how much of that do you actually want to live for the rest of your life?
As hard as it is, the only ties that you have right now is your child. That is a special bond of course. There needs to be some sort of civil relationship for that fact,but that should be as far as it goes. Sleeping with each other only makes things that much more complicated than they are already going to be.
If your family is going to be together as a family, then just wait it out. Let it happen on its own. But don't drive yourself crazy wanting something that may not be. Don't kid yourself into thinking that just because you are sleeping together that everything is going to be ok, because it just adds a whole nother level which could wind up in a worse result than the break up.
I am no doctor by any means, but I am going through somthing similar and just wanted to share how I feel about it. Guess I should probably take my own advice!- Re: Am I wrong or is She. ks7997
21 y
2,637
This is a reply to # 595,134Oh, by the way, after all of my rambling, I guess I could answer your question. I feel the same as you. If she is seeing someone else, regardless of if you are her "baby's dad" or not, if she sleeps with you then turns around and goes "home" to someone else to be with, then yes, she is cheating. Period.
- Re: Am I wrong or is She. mtnndeww
21 y
2,522
This is a reply to # 595,134Ks9779 is telling it like it is...don't keep screwing your ex thinking that something good (other than orgasms) will materialize. Move on! I hope you listen to Ks9779...
- Re: Am I wrong or is She. ks7997
21 y
2,637
- Niether ithinktoomuchthereforeiamalone
21 y
2,664
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