Hey #50353 and missdown,
I am new to this so please tell me if I am doing something that I shouldn't, but I want to put a plug in for counselling - not because I am studying psychology, but because I have been there and done that.

I am working on posting my story, but the bottom line of it is that I was brutally raped by my friend's dad who two weeks after he did it, killed himself. My friend had no other living family members and I felt guilty about the suicide and planned the entire memorial - all the way down to playing the music for the %¤#&!§-who threw my life on a different track.

Here is the thing about the counselling - I don't know where you are coming from #50353, but I come from Alberta, Canada and this is what I have to say to you...

You are not strange to just be experiencing the "ëffects" of the assault now - please understand that this is totally normal. However, if you continue to suck it up and move on in life without dealing with this event - you can only go further down.

Speaking from personal experience, it sucks! I spent a month in the U of A hospital because I thought that I could cope = I was a student of psychology, I didn't need to participate in it as well. It got to the point where I tried killing myself - you may not see yourself heading in that direction, but when it happened to me, I didn't either. I was numb and then I was destroyed.

Please, for the sake of every survivor out there, find a counsellor (there are people that will do it for nothing) because I want to see you come out on top as a survivor, not a strangler that is left behind cleaning this event up for the rest of their lives.

Please also feel free to email me - "angelarocks_94@hotmail.com" at any time- I will talk you through the counselling process if the only reason you are holding back is because you fear the unknown - whatever it is that you need, I will try to help you out!
All the best,
Angela