How do I get my sex life back 
megan69
18 y
4,550
First let me say hello to everyone as I am new here. I hope that you will be able to help me solve my problem.
First a little explaination as to how I think this has happened. I have suffered from eczema all my life and I used to be covered from head to foot, my ususal comment was that I had it everywhere except the palms of my hands and soles of my feet, and I meant every where! I was hospitalised twice with when it became badly infected, so we are not talking a bit of itchy skin here, it was severe. So if I caught herpes I think I may not have noticed it and put it down to an extra sore and persistant bit of eczema. I hope that makes sense.
I finally met someone I love to bits three years ago and left my husband to be with him. About six months after I moved in he was diagnosed with genital herpes. He told me the doctor told him he could have caught it from a hotel swimming pool or hotel jacuzzi. I have researched this and think that either the doctor was trying to ease his feelings, or more likely he was trying to ease mine. He was floored by this
diagnoses, really upset. That was in March 2004. Since then he has completely lost ALL interest in sex and we have made love once and had sex twice, I hope you understand what I mean by that. He doesn't even touch me intimatly.
I don't think he realises that the herpes is the problem as he puts his lack of interest down to tiredness, stress of work and as we both work as adult webmasters what we call "sweety shop" as your surrounded by it all day so you lose interest. But I have spent a lot of time thinking about this in the last few weeks, as I am really beginning to miss our sex life ... I guess up to now I was hoping that things would get better on their own.
I love this guy like I have never loved anyone, but I really don't want to live in a sexless relationship again. My ex-husband had zero sex drive and I resorted to lovers which is maybe how I caught it in the first place. I have not anything that could be classed as an outbreak whilst being in this relationship, is that possible. Sorry if I sound confused, but I am. I have never been diagnosed with it, so I am assuming I am positive for it as I don't see how he could have caught if not from me.
I guess what I am trying to ask is ... what can I do to get my sex life back?
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- Re: How do I get my sex life back speechlessly50
18 y
4,501
This is a reply to # 373,376In the marriage vow, for better or for worse, in sickness and health, in prosperity or poor, till death do us apart, I learned that we have to accept changes in health crisis. So the package you have is after you met this guy, he found out he has Herpes and is not interest in sex; you have to stand from his shoes. Maybe he was having so much itch, uncomfortness that even a touch makes him not comfortable----just wait till he intiate.
I had no sex life for one and a half year due to Herpes, and I am so surprised that I don't even think about it nor want to masturbate. I never want to touch myself below. Think about late Christopher Reeve's wife, after the fall from the horse, does she has any sex life from Christopher Reeve? Also, maybe your man knew he is having outbreak, mild or severe from any part of the body, so he does not want to have sex. It normally takes 1 week to 2 week for a sore to heal completely, if he has another mild outbreak on top of the healed one, I don't blame him for trying to protect you and not want to have sex.
What are you going to do if one party does not want to have sex? Actually, a lot of Chinese women I knew, ask the husband to stop having sex with them after middle ages. They insisted on the husband to wear a condom for they finally find out a lot of STD's, be it as mild as yeast infection, clamydia is from unclean hands of husband or private part of the husband. They even commend that Mrs. So & So is so lucky that her husband refrain from sex at her request after 50's, so I don't know if you are lucky or not. I overheard my own mother if scold my father one time that May's husband does not touch her anymore, why do you still want to have sex? : )
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- Re: How do I get my sex life back megan69
18 y
4,282
This is a reply to # 373,377Advertisement
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I don't know if you are lucky or not to have no sex drive, but I do have and I find this lack of sex very distressing. If you had read my message properly you would have seen that I have been without a sex life for two years now. My guy has not had another outbreak he just doesn't want to have sex for whatever reason, I think it is due to the herpes diagnoses.
Sex is not just about reproduction, it is about a special closeness between two people and has nothing to do with age. My own parents are in their 70's and still enjoy a sex life. I understand that you come from a different culture to myself, I believe that you are Chinese from what I have read. Sex has been proven to have health benefits too in recent years, both physically and mentally. I know that when I have regular sex life I certainly feel better, healthier and happier.
You may not know but Christopher Reeves widow passed on herself recently. Though I understand the point you were making ... though how do you know that she didn't miss the sex.- Re: How do I get my sex life back speechlessly50
18 y
4,489
This is a reply to # 373,391Megan66,
I understand you want to have sex life, I am just trying to help you to switch roles. For no outbreaks, why are you so sure he has no outbreak? Outbreaks are always invisible, and even the person who has them lied about not having one at the kind inquiry of a loved one due to embarassment. My boyfriend would ask me daily, " How do you feel today? Any outbreak today? " Of course I said no due to the embarassing fact of outbreak every two or three days. Yesterday when I was eating alone in restaurant, a guy asked me for phone number. Even with Herpes in the mouth, I covered with Lancome lipstick and lipgloss, anywhere I go, people will say I look great and fine as if I have no disease. Even when I try to apply for Social Security Benefit, the officer knew I have Herpes in mouth and genital, and still ask me out. The point is outbreak can be barely visible to the eye.
If sex is so important in your life, go for it. Now, I can see the love of yourself is greater than the love of your man that you said love so much. Love is a crab to say love is sacrifice, love is giving and not love is not taking. Christopher Reeve's wife died of lung cancer. Even though she does not have sex from Christopher Reeve, she does not leave him, maybe it is for the money she stayed which I should'nt go any further into details. The point is one day a partner or spouse's health got into problem, is the other partner willing to stand next to the person? Some people might have stroke and on wheelchair, some people might have Multiple schlerosis, so their other half's sex life will be affected.
Also, one older lady who is an accupunturist had warned me, what you want might be an idol that you never have it. I want to get married off before 30, and at 24 year old I got Herpes 2 in the genital. Then, I said I must be married off at 40. Then, at 36, I got Herpes 2 in the mouth. Since two times you can't find the person to satisfy you in sex, is sex your idol? I am not saying sex is wrong, if your fate is you will have a sexless life, do you want to keep trying till the door closed on you Maybe your next one will infected you with Herpes or HPV, then you will have a sexless life again. What makes you so sure your next one will meet your sexual need? Reality is different from what you think you will get.
- Re: How do I get my sex life back speechlessly50
18 y
4,489
- Re: How do I get my sex life back megan69
18 y
4,282
- Re: How do I get my sex life back wrangler
18 y
4,356
This is a reply to # 373,376Well not sure if I can help at all here, but I'll tell you that I sort of feel how you explained your (boyfriend? not sure if your married to him now or not, didn't get that)feels. After I was diagnosed I was shocked and I feel that I've lost some of my sex drive, I see it happening. There is something that goes on in the head that changes. I just don't feel like I used to, I do like making love but it takes more than it used to to get to that point. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 1 1/2 yrs and he is great. He supports me and understands and comforts me, but I know that he misses the way things used to be also. So my reccomendation would be to talk, to talk about everything, how you feel, find out how he feels and what's changed... I think that if he knows you care and that you won't leave him etc.. then it's easier to live with and once he accepts himself again, hopefully things will get better. Also, the other part is that if you truly love him then you have to adjust and learn to live with certain things, However, sometimes that's not possible, people have to be true to themselves, and happy, in order to be happy with another. Well, hope this helped a bit.Advertisement
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especially for the price.”
- Re: How do I get my sex life back bill66
18 y
4,253
This is a reply to # 373,378Why don't you both take Valtrex and supress the virus.You may then feel quite normal again.Taking a pill each day is a minor inconvenience but if it gives you back your life it's a small price to pay.
- Re: How do I get my sex life back chillin123
18 y
4,172
This is a reply to # 373,384Bill is smart. Good advice. Also, read this article.
http://www.aids.net.au/news-lemons-vs-aids.htm
If it kills HIV --> it kills HSV too.
- Re: How do I get my sex life back chillin123
18 y
4,172
- Re: How do I get my sex life back megan69
18 y
4,167
This is a reply to # 373,378Hello Wrangler,
Thank you for your reply. I understand what you are saying, it is just trying to find the right moment to bring the subject up. I have two problems with it, he has elderly parents who are not well at the moment and a lot of the caring is falling onto my guy, we are not married. Also, it is doubly difficult to raise the subject with a guy I find as they do have a tendancy to get all defencive about it. I am desperatly trying to find the right time and I intend to talk to him about it. I am hoping to able to a get test to find out if I have it or not soon, that may be a way into the conversation. :)
I just wanted to get some feedback from people who had been in the same situation and how they had dealt with it. To know that I am not alone in my difficulties with this.
I do love him very much, but as I said in my original post I have lived in a sexless marriage before and this wasn't what I signed up for this time ;) Believe me a vibrator is no subsitute for a man and I don't have any lawns to mow! I need the closeness of a REAL sex life
- Re: How do I get my sex life back bill66
18 y
4,253
- Re: How do I get my sex life back speechlessly50
18 y
4,501
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