Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 4 years. He lied to me so many times over past years, but I overlooked his lies because I love him so much...This last Valentine's Day, I found out somehow (I didn't snoop around) that he sent flowers to a girl that he used to like before we started going out, but no flowers for me. On Valentine's Day, i told him that i thought he bought flowers for me. as soon as i mentioned about flowers, he got mad at me because he said that he hates expectations. i didn't have to get flowers, i just thought he ordered those flowers for me. I told him that i asked about the flowers because I know that someone bought flowers, he said that he doesn't know what happened and he blamed it on his bank, and he said anything bad that he could possibly say to me that night, and broke up with me on Valentine's day.
Normally I would have called him the next day, this time I know it's the best not to be with him anymore so I didn't call, but he called me the next night because we were supposed to go out to this fancy restaurant but it was too late to go, so instead he asked me to come over to his house and said that he felt like a jerk about last night. This is the guy who I thought was my best friend, my partner, my lover, and it's been 4 years, and I couldn't refuse him asking me to come out. By the way he's 9 years older than me. I'm 22 and he's 31, so we got together when I was almost 19 (if I had known as much as I do now, I would have never gone out with him). We're back together now. a week ago, i brought up about the flowers conversation again (i won't bring that conversation up again anymore), and this time i even know who and where he sent flowers to (he sent the flowers to the same girl that he asked out several times before we started going out, but she turned him down cause she has a boyfriend) He still lies to me about those flowers, he even went as far as cancelling his bank card. i asked him a long time ago, and i asked him again last week to tell me when he's in contact with that girl just because i want to be able to trust him again because we had problems because of that girl before. he promised me before that he would tell me and he promised me again last week. i don't think he'll tell me though. I wonder if he feels bad at all for lying to me and breaking his promises. i know i would feel so bad. now when i look at him, i ask myself "how could he have done this to me and lied to me?" I love him very much. I do things for him and support him in any way I can. How could he have hurt me and break my heart when he says he loves me?" i know he loves me but i don't know if he cares and loves me ENOUGH.
when we get in an argument, he'll get mad at me for very small things and curse at me, saying he's sick of me, sick of this relationship, and most importantly lying to me? I am not afraid of not being able to go out with another guy. I'm afraid of going away from him, he's been my best friend for last 4 years.
it's been almost 4 years and he never really talked about marriage, he said that he will think about it when he finish school(i'm graduating this June 03), and he still has 2 and a half years to go. he doesn't like it when i ask him questions. even though i don't want it to be true, i know that he's not the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. i know he's not good for me, but i would be glad if going away from him is as easy as it seems. i feel stupid for staying in this relationship. i wonder if i'm doing something wrong for him to treat me this way. my head tells me to leave him, but i know my heart cannot do it. i feel so betrayed and hurt, i want to tell him what he did, and how he lied to me, but i know that will lead to a break-up. i just don't know what to do and how to do what i should have done a long time ago. if anybody has any advice for me, please do so, i appreciate it. Thank you.
honeyyme