move on. if you can't take a hint, let me give it to your straight: she's been hump'n more guys than you know of. once a liar, always a liar. these are just two you found out on. you've been played for a chump and still keep coming back for more. forget the counseling and stand up straight and tall for yourself, man. go find another woman while you still have years left to find one. the kids will be fine. your wife is screwing other guys. and you're ok with that? lol...geez...there's a name for women like that, brother. just because she's your *****, doesn't mean the LABEL DOESN'T APPLY. wake up and smell the coffee...she's told you she doesn't get hot and bothered with you and will never. divorce is perfect for a situation such as this. what more evidence to you need, columbo?

My first thought was to also say "move on". However, I keep coming back to what you wrote "we have a vulnerable 10 year old son to think about". So...I'm guessing that there is something going on with him that's different from other 10 year olds? A physical problem? An emotional problem? Both? Or is it that he is a typical 10-year old but you are just concerned about how a 10-year old will handle a divorce?

If he is your typical 10-year old, then with some extra attention and some counseling, he should be able to handle it. Divorce is never easy for kids (even grown kids) but should the situation warrant a divorce, assuming that there aren't any extenuating circumstances, kids can deal with it all.

So...if he is your typical 10-year old, then I would say "move on". If your wife says she never loved you, then it was very cruel of her to marry you and bring children into this world with you. You also have to wonder why she hangs around if she doesn't love you and has affairs. The right thing for her to do would have been to get a divorce.

However, without really knowing what the situation is with your 10-year old son, I can't really say your situation is black and white. If your son has some problems, then you have a grey area.

If he does have problems that you think will be exacerbated by a divorce, then you need to sit your wife down and lay it on the line. Tell her that you are devastated by her behavior and that she needs to grow up and put her family first. Tell her that you expect her to fully committ to making counseling work. If she balks at this, then it's time for you to consult the best divorce lawyer that you can find.

Again, only you can really decide how to proceed as you alone know just what is going on with your son. Good luck to you!

IMHO, it's sad but on the other hand who said it has to be one marriage for a life? Why not to try other forbidden fruits?

Yes, it can be saved. If you both get along and want to stay together. I don't believe any couple has a perfect love and respect all the time.

If you both agree on what's best for your family, and work to keep things sane, you're doing better than alot of folks.

If you love her that much I doubt you'd be any happier without her.

I'd say work it out. Good luck.

I've read the responses, and this caught my eye:

"I know old people who never found true love and are lonely, and I know people that stuck together through the cheating.

The ones that stuck it out are happier."

This surprised another poster as it would many people if it were confirmed to be true. It doesn't surprise me, though.

What you do will depend on your priorities. Our society and Hollywood idealize the flame of new romantic love. The flame will lesson over the years. I think in our old age, companionship will become far more important which is why couples that stuck it out may be generally happier. Each couple will have had some difficult times.

Think long term. Would you rather be with a companion who you are good friends although in your younger years you knew she wasn't passionately in love with you? You still love her and love having her around, so wouldn't this be better? Or do you think it is worth being in the dating pool again - which is not so fun if you're looking for something real. You will have to go through emotional and financial disaster in order to divorce. Your son will have trouble, yes, but you will as well.

Some food for thought. Best wishes, I hope you embrace whichever decision you make.

Wow - you guys are harsh! Guess we've all been there.

At least your wife is being honest with you by letting you know there's no romantic future in the cards. And she IS sticking around for the benefit of the kid(s).

You have to get over your hopes for a happy ending (in either sense) with your wife, and decide between a loveless though semi-functional family situation - and breaking up the family for a more gratifying relationship (ok life).

But bottom line, your wife has already put her personal wants at odds with the needs of the family and it's only a matter of time before things blow apart. So yeah, plan your exit at YOUR convenience, have no guilt, and find someone that DOES want a real relationship.

It'll be hard at first, but it won't be long before you start wishing you'd done it long long ago.

Sorry about your situation TBSS, but before you decide to stay for the benefit of your children, perhaps it would be wise to have a DNA test run to be certain that all of them have been fathered by you. My cousin found out after twenty years of marriage to his cheating ex wife that the children she insisted were fathered by him were actually provided to her by TWO different men that he had no knowledge of here even knowing.
Incidentally she and the "system" took him to the cleaners and he lost "their" home to her and one of her studs. The two children he had provided for and had sent to college by working nearly 18 hours a day have never bothered to send him a X-mas card, let alone write him unless they "need" something from him. financially.
I would suggest that you get away from her as quickly as possible. Once the court system helps her finish screwing you over, you won't have any problem losing whatever "love" you imagined you had for her.

If it were me, I'da gone and found that first mutherfker and beat the sumbitch silly and give her a stern talkin, if I loved her, and if she ever did it again I'd leave her in a heartbeat. By now she probably figures you got no backbone cuz ya kicked neither of their asses and maybe she'd be right in thinkin that. If that's the case, maybe that's why she don't want to be inimate with ya, cuz yer not strong enough. I don't intend to be attacking you, just offering a thought for consideration. Its wired into women to want a strong man, to look up to and not down on.

You need to ask yourself the question, are you better than this? Or rather, can you be better than this? Because right now you are not. Your wife is too afraid to leave you and the security you provide and she enjoys that. She is also in pain, she doesn't have the confidence to leave you, a man she doesn't love, because she doesn't feel she can provide the security for herself.

So if you are not ready to face the truth and better yourself, stay exactly where you are. If you think you can, you need to find ways to move on. Honestly this is the best way for both of you to work out anyway, if you move on and feel confident and your wife gains confidence as well, then you could work. But right now you guys are both crutches for each other.