"Why would a guy whack his meat to a video screen vixen when he's got a sexy honey right up the stairs? Ease of cllmax."

That would be my first guess. Some guys just like a quick shoot. The real thing is too much of what you call "high maintenance"

Hey sorry, I hadn't looked at this in a while. Yes, there was some change. It's funny that when I initiate he doesn't agree; he has to initiate, yet after a while of him not initiate he notices and asks me why we're not having sex! I explained to him in many less words part of what I expressed here. I brought to his attention the amazing sex we have when we're out of the routine of life and that my attempts are *always* turned down. It's like he has to be in the right mindset and that mindset doesn't come with routine.

We didn't say much; I let it sink in. In that next month he initiated a few times and some of the sex was really wonderful. It's still infrequent and although I'd love a vivacious sex life, I'm learning to live with it. I'm glad there was some change that first month. We went away briefly (weekend) and sure enough, great sex! But alas, the second month since, there has been nothing.

I think the example of how things change to my surprise when we're away and that it's on his side might have helped him realize that it is his mindset (I hope!). Trust me, I didn't come to this conclusion right away - I tried for years with much frustration and heartache to figure out a way to be accessible to him, to initiate in a way that works. It is extremely difficult to do this. If he realizes the difference is in his mindset, then he also knows he has the power to change it. I think this is why the increased activity happened over the last month.

(By the way, if some of this seems cryptic, maybe look down a little further at my initial post where I talked about us and vacation sex and infrequency of normal sex.)

I don't know about the porn. What folks said about easy orgasm makes sense b/c he was feeling sick I know and who wants to perform while sick? That's the only time I've ever known him to do that while I'm home. So I feel that part of my issue is okay.

The biggest bummer is that although I've gotten used to our sex life being sparse, I always have to wonder what will be enough for him, yet know that I seem to have so little control over the situation. I just keep myself friendly and available - and in shape as well. How ironic when young guys look at me or even flirt without realizing he's nearby (I'm 33), but I won't entertain that. It's ironic since I love good sex, but good sex happens b/c of a good connection. I wouldn't give up my relationship over an affair. I just don't see any way to bring back frequent, good sex back into the normal routine. I think it's going to be up to him.