Please don't give up. Whether you believe in God or the chances of fate, neither of them has kept you alive only for you to willfully end your life. There is always hope. Unless you give up and end your life that is. I know that your suffering and the failure of untold doctors and alternative people must make it so very hard to belief in any hope, and I don't pretend to walk in your shoes. But the only time there is no hope is when you are dead. Go check yourself in the hospital at least and challenge them to help you find an answer to save your life. Do anything but give up!
Yes, I do remember you and I understand your hopelessness. However, suicide is not the answer. No matter how hopeless things are, and I understand your dilemma, I understand your suffering, there is always an answer. I know that these may seemn like empty words to you, but please listen to me. Before you do anything, PLEASE call the following crisis hot line 1-800-273-TALK and let them help you.
Sometimes we find ourselves in unfair situations where we feel there is no solution, not even a reprieve rendering us without hope or the will to go on. There is always a reason do go on.
Do you have family? Friends? Think of what this will do to them and actually, I don't even know you personally and I am grieving over this decision. I know that when one has lost all hope they don't tend to think of how others will suffer with this loss, but it is something overwhelmingly painful to have to go through.
I really hope that you will read this message and have not done anything drastic. Please PM me. But before you do that, please call the crisis hotline above. Just talk to them and see what they have to say.
And please think about this. I have been involved through my employment years ago in two suicides. The police stated that with the way their body was positioned, after they inflicted the final wound (and I won't say how either was done), they changed their mind, but it was too late. Their bodies were positioned in such a way that they were trying to seek help. PLEASE don't put yourself through this. PLEASE call that hot line and then PM me with what they had to say.