Hi, this is going to be a long read so if you have brainfog like me, it will take a while to work through it all. Sorry.

I consider myself chronically sick. Although I do not believe I will physically die any time soon, my life is completely unlivable right now and I am likely to die of suicide than anything else.

It started when I was around 13. I tried to screw something but I couldn't hold the screw driver straight no matter how hard I tried, even with two hands. My hands were too trembly. Well this progressively got worse as time passed. When I walk down stairs my knees are trembly. It is literally impossible for me to try to pick up a grain of rice or a coin on a flat table because my fingers are the worst. My joints look a relatively more swollen and calcified than the average person, but nothing too dramatic. Just a little abnormal.

When I was 17 I started getting bad fatigue and anxiety. I've always had fatigue and anxiety, both social and otherwise but this was different. I dreaded going to school because it made me nervous. Getting out of the car was really difficult and I would stall before leaving. When I went home I would nap all day and then wake about 2 hours and go back to sleep. I felt tired all of the time. Of course everyone around me, with their archaic philosophies, thought I was just a rebellious teen or lazy or something. They thought I had an "attitude" problem. I would have believed them but I knew better. My attitude was perfectly fine, I wanted to go to school and do things and live life but I had no energy whatsoever.

Well I graduated from High School and summer of that year is when I had my first panic attack. At that time I had no idea what it was, but after researching thoroughly all of these years, I am much wiser and know it to be a panic attack. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had another one at college. I have never been back to college since. There is no reason to go into detail about the panic attacks because millions of people have already described it for me:

//www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=272352#i




It happens to a lot of people. As Doc Sutter says, "It is not a cop-out to get out of life and anyone that tries to tell you that is wrong." But of course a lot of people tried to tell me that because they were raised on New Age philosophies and blame-the-victim ideologies. More on that later.

Meanwhile, anxiety and fatigue came on me full speed. I became severely agoraphobic and sleeping 16+ hours a day. Mind constantly racing and cannot shut it off. I have never felt normal ever since then, kind of like what Sutter says about his Phase 1. You cannot identify what it is at first but you know something isn't right on the inside. Either I have nervous energy or I have no energy, I basically alternate between those two states. But lately it seems to be more of the "no energy" state.

So I am going to omit the gory details and cut to the chase. Obviously this has cost me a lot of family problems because people are extremely naiive and have been raised on sitcoms and movies that have brainwashed them philosophically. They tell you "just snap out of it." Or "you are just lazy." Or "it's just an attitude problem." My sister actually said "agoraphobia isn't a big deal, just desensitize yourself slowly until it goes away." I felt that to be one of the most insulting things I had heard in my life.

I wasted time thinking it was all psychological, which is what the establishments wants you to think. From age 17-20 I tried to cure myself through self-help books and nonsense New Age techniques. Cognitive behavioral therapy, positive thinking, "The Secret" which I am sure you have heard of. All of it is rubbish if you ask me. This is the way I see it:

The New Age movement incorporates all of these simplistic "truism" quotes that ultimately blame the victim. (If the victim visualized harder he would be happy, obviously he doesn't want it enough and deserves to be unhappy.) It was funded by the Rockefeller family and I do believe it is a divide and conquer mechanism by the powers that be. If you are going to make a population sick through drugs and poisoned foods, you want them to blame anything except the real source. It is best that they blame each other for their shortcomings. People are more likely to believe "Tom was just moody today because he is unstable and evil. He is too feeble minded to control himself." But it is more realistic to believe "Tom was moody today because high fructose corn syrup is messing with his system etc." Fundamental attribution error at work. Blame the victim mentality.

For every cliche truism in the New Age movement there is a sinister subtext that is subconsciously implied and few people realize. I will give you a simple example: "You can do anything you set your mind to." This cliche quote that the media has bombarded you with from day one implies subconsciously: "If someone in life does not succeed it is because they did not focus their mind enough, therefore it is their fault." Typical blame the victim mentality.

The obvious reality that people fail to recognize is: NO ONE wants to feel sick and moody and mean all the time. No one wants to watch the best years of their life pass them by. No one wants to sleep in 16 hours a day and not have any fun. No one wants to have a constant brain fog all the time.

I think that cognitive behavioral therapy and a select few other psychological methods, maybe hypnosis, are the only ones that have any real merit. And even then, all of the CBT in the world isn't going to fix you if your problem is physical. Freud, I believe, was literally a dis-information agent straight off the Tavistok Institute pay roll. And I have studied both his ideas and his life background thoroughly before coming to that conclusion. Sorry for including this Conspiracy section but I believe it is important to bring up because I see curezone is plagued with New Age fanatics (that I won't mention by name) that do more hurt than help... moving on:

When I was 20 I started trying herbal solutions. I googled anxiety and looked up remedies for it. St John's Wort, Theanine, GABA, 5 HTP, DLPA, etc. No results. I went to a medical doctor and told her about my anxiety. I was having really bad heart palpitations and she measured my heart rate at 103 beats per minute. I told her about my sweaty palms and how my hands were shaky. She said they were only shaky because I was nervous and I told her that they were shaky even when I didn't feel nervous. After 20 minutes of waiting to see her, and 5 minutes of actually meeting her, the doctor came to the conclusion that my anxiety was an offshoot of Depression and prescribed Paxil to me. I wasn't going to have any of that. I told her it could be a thyroid problem and this made her mad and she insisted on the Paxil. I finally convinced her to have bloodtests done for thyroid and Rheumatoid Arthritis but she said I had to take the Paxil. I threw the prescription away after leaving her office. She only did a TSH test for thyroid. If you know anything about thyroid tests, you will know that TSH is not a conclusive test. The RA test and TSH came back normal.

My insurance ran out and I cannot work so I have not seen a doctor since. I don't think I would want to see one anyway after the experience I had with her. She got extremely defensive when I objected to the Paxil. She was SO sure she knew what was wrong with me after 5 minutes of meeting. Doctors just fabricate problems and most blood tests are worthless. A blood test simply reflects what you ate in the past 24 hours, i.e. if I had a cup of coffee before the blood test my TSH would have been abnormal from the caffeine.

So after trying several more supplements and scouring the internet, I came across curezone.

From: //www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1440822#i




"
Thus far I have tried Colloidal Silver , Miracle-Mineral-Supplement , iodine, possible nutritional deficiencies, and countless supplements. As far as cleansing is concerned, I have done P & B shakes and thoroughly cleaned out my bowel but I never saw mucoid plaque. I am still doing the shakes. I have flushed my liver with the Clark method 8 times and have passed about 800 stones ranging from 1mm to 1.5 inches. On my 7th flush, I saw six 4-5mm tomato skins among the stones. They were reddish brown. The only thing they could have been besides liver flukes were raisins that I ate 2 days prior but the Epsom Salts flushed me out before the flush so I am pretty sure they were flukes.

For parasite cleansing I started with diametrious earth but then I moved on to Humaworm. Keep in mind that after trying all of these things and doing all of this cleansing, I still feel exactly the same: sleeping 16 hours a day and completely miserable. None of the flushes have budged my mood or altered any symptoms. I also notice that I have been hyper-sensitive to both caffeine and alcohol all of my life. I read that this could be an indicator of a congested liver.
"

The above is an older quote and much has occurred since then. As of now I have done 41 Liver Flushes total. I stopped seeing stones around flush #30. I have learned that I have a severe parasite infestation without a doubt because I have seen many different kind of parasites in my stool.

//www.curezone.org/forums/am.asp?i=1458745#i1




I see it as a good thing that I have identified what it is that is causing all of my misery because I am only 21 and have been housebound for the past 4 years and I have severe fatigue and brain fog. It is good to know that it is parasites because before when I didn't know what was wrong with me it had a severe psychological impact and now I have something to fight.

I was on barefoot's dewormer for 3 months and have done 3 total rounds of humaworm, including 1 "Extra Strength" for liver flukes, and I have passed several flukes and bugs in the aforementioned thread. I have also passed these:

//www.curezone.org/ig/i.asp?i=26333




(that isnt my picture but that is what mine look like too)

I believe that the parasites have a profound impact on you psychologically. Not only do they steal your nutrients, but they release hormones and chemicals which definitely effect your mood. I feel myself getting depressed and hopeless all the time for no reason. Right now I know what is causing all of my misery and I know that it is only a matter of time before I kill them, but they still have an effect on my mood and I can feel myself despairing a lot.

After giving barefoot's and humaworm a try, I moved on to the Parasites Drugs forum. I started with a small dose of Safeguard Fenbendazole bought from my local pet store and it did hardly anything. These are the parasite drugs I have done straight out of my log. I had been taking mms, humaworm, and barefoots all throughout this but I edited that out here [Valbazen is Albendazole for those who don't know. 10ml of Valbazen is approximately 510mg of Albendazole]:

"
08/17/09
888mg safeguard fenbendazole
08/18/09
888mg safeguard fenbendazole
08/19/09
888mg safeguard fenbendazole
08/20/09
4:30pm: 960mg praziquantel
08/21/09
slept like a rock
woke from deep sleep. woke a few times in the night but easily went back to sleep
8:10am: 480mg praziquantel
10:40am: 2560mg praziquantel
08/22/09
flukes in stool
08/26/09
5ml valbazen
08/27/09
5ml valbazen
5ml valbazen
08/27/09
10ml valbazen
parasites in stool
had headache after valbazen
08/28/09
10ml valbazen
08/29/09
15ml valbazen
took 1920mg praziquantel
2 hours later another 1920mg
08/30/09
another 1920mg 2hr later
15 ml valbazen
08/31/09
30ml valbazen
09/01/09
taking 6 doses of praziquantel as outlined in //www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1297663?


7pm 1920mg prazi 5ml valbazen
9pm 1920mg prazi 5ml valbazen
11pm 1920mg prazi 5ml valbazen
09/02/09
1am 1920mg prazi 5ml valbazen
3am started feeling weak so stalled on next dose
3:30am 1920mg prazi 5ml valbazen, vomitted it in my mouth and reswallowed
worst night i ever had, vomitting and pain, way too many drugs. vomitted much prazi
could feel parasites moving around
7:31pm crawled out of bed with a headache
i am going to let my liver rest for a long time before even thinking about anything else
i am going to buy some triclabendazole in the meantime
09/15/09
1920mg praziquantel
09/16/09
5ml valbazen
09/17/09
5ml valbazen
09/18/09
10ml valbazen
hair thinning, foreseen side-effect of valabazen
09/19/09
10ml valbazen
09/20/09
10ml valbazen
09/21/09
10ml valbazen
640mg prazi
09/22/09
5ml valbazen
640mg prazi
shakey and twitchy from the prazi
slept a lot and twitchiness went away
giving body a break to recover
09/23/09
5ml valbazen
liverflush #40 coke+oil. 10:34am
09/24/09
5ml valbazen
yesterday's liverflush wasnt nearly as bad as i thought it would be. had a BM 3 hours after it but
no stones. have not had another BM yet.
5ml valbazen
liverflush #41 coke+oil. 1:24pm
09/25/09
5ml valbazen
09/26/09
been feeling really tired recently
movement in liver area
09/27/09
heart feels weak, slept a lot
09/28/09
5ml valbazen
09/29/09
09/30/09
massive headache and could feel some movement in liver area as of late
8:21pm 125lbs dose of zimecterin gold
slept good from the zimecterin gold. wore off after about 3 hours
10/01/09
9:35pm 3g fenbendazole
10/02/09
3:03am 125lbs dose zimecterin gold
same results last time from zimecterin gold. slept like a rock for 5 hours
7:41pm 3g fenbendazole
10/03/09
12:22pm 125lbs dose zimecterin gold
9:07pm 3g fenbendazole
10/04/09
1:11am headache upon waking and dizzy
3:40am noticed headache is gone basically
6:31pm 250lbs dose zimecterin gold
woke in middle of night very dizzy much like yesterday, went back to sleep. nothing unusual in stools from zimecterin gold
10/05/09
10ml valbazen
10/06/09
10ml valbazen
6:54pm 4000mg coq10 (megadose)
9:08pm woke up with a stomach ache and expelled a few flukes in a BM. thick flukes not
tomato skins. went back to sleep exhausted
10/07/09
woke around 3:54am feeling very very cold as if not enough blood was circulating
10ml valbazen
6:41pm 4000mg coq10
10/08/09
slept through the night without anything unusual. woke up cold (usual)
10ml valbazen
10/09/09
10/10/09
10/11/09
10/12/09
4:24pm 2 tablespoon pumpkin seed oil with soda and honey
7:33pm 2 tablespoon castor oil with coke
10/13/09
9:26am still no BM. minor minor cramp in stomach. not painful
i doubt the PSE and castor oil did anything
perhaps i will take with coq10 next time
soon after previous entry, i had BM with green seaseme seeds in it
probably just something i ate though
10/16/09
triclabendazole finally arrived in the mail after trying to acquire it for ages.
6:06pm 900mg triclabendazole
10/17/09
2:25am 900mg triclabendazole
5ml valbazen
6:24pm 750mg fenbendazole 1704mg praziquantel
possible parasites in stool, possible vegatables though
9:39pm 750mg fenbendazole 1704mg praziquantel
11:28pm 750mg fenbendazole 1704mg praziquantel
10/18/09
12:14am 5000mg coq10
1:10am 750mg fenbendazole 1704mg praziquantel
2:22pm 250lbs zimecterin gold
2:38am 750mg fenbendazole 1704mg praziquantel
4:05am 1704mg praziquantel
4:28am starting to feel very cold, like the last time i took a lot of prazi
5:55pm slept in all day. vomitted parzi in the night and slept smoothly
10/19/09
Fasimec arrived in the mail
slept in even more. very weak and tired
2:15am pain in left hand and general pain and unrest
2:24am 2.7g triclabendazole
9:07am 5g coq10
10:40am 30ml fasimec
slept all day
5:45pm 30ml fasimec
11:09pm coke+oil Liver Flush #42
10/20/09
5:04am 30ml fasimec
12:20pm 30ml fasimec
9:40pm 30ml fasimec
10/21/09
going to take fenbendazole for 3 days and valbazen for 10
1:44am 20ml valbazen
3:59am 3g fenbendazole
5:32pm 20ml valbazen
runny stools as of late, probably the drugs. hopefully dying parasites
"

I am absolutely at my wit's end trying to figure this out. I have felt pressure in my upper-right back all of my life. After starting parasite cleaning I have noticed that it subtlety moves from time to time. I am not a master of anatomy but I am sure this is my liver area. Also after starting parasite cleansing I can feel stuff moving back there, like worms or something.

I was almost certain that these were liver flukes having the time of their life in my liver. I had seen flukes my in my stool before from humaworm and barefoot's so I was sure that I would alleviate my symptoms if I could just get ahold of triclabendazole in some form or another. Well, as you can see, I have been on triclabendazole and Fasimec (0.1% ivermectim, 5% triclabendazole) for a few days now in pretty large doses. Nothing different has happened. The pressure in my liver area is still strong and I still have horrible fatigue and brain fog. No Liver Flush has given me any physical relief, although the stuff flushed out has certainly given me psychological relief to see as evidence.

If that stuff I feel creeping around my liver are not flukes, what are they? Or perhaps I am judging triclabendazole too early?

So where do I go from here? I ran out of humaworm and barefoot's dewormer about 2 weeks ago. I am debating whether or not I should buy more. I am low on cash and I am thinking that my money would be better spent elsewhere. I am thinking about trying Nitazoxanide next. I have read several success stories about Nitazoxanide here where people said it worked for them when everything else failed.

I hate to sound desperate but I am. I am tired of buying different drugs/herbs and getting no where in this trial+error routine. All the while I have horrible fatigue which nothing has lifted even slightly.

Before I forget, here is a list of symptoms I have compiled. I was careful to make this list long before researching anything health related to avoid the "hypochondria effect." In other words, if I started researching possible causes first, I would see symptoms of a disease and assume I had those. By writing down my symptoms before researching, I knew they were genuine:

"
orange peel skin
rapid mood changes
occassional mania
pain in tendons
joint stiffness
acne, especially on back
occassional pain in stomach
pain in joints
trembling hands and feet (whole body somewhat too)
hunched over all the time (posture suspected to be physical problem, maybe liver?)
wound on right knee hasn't healed for months
anxiety (social also)
agorophobia
racing thoughts
chronic fatigue
excessive sweating from time to time
occassional heart palpitations
sensitive to caffeine
sensitive to alcohol
depression
brain fog
low energy
persistent rage
puffy face and enlarged nose (enlarged meaning that sometimes it is normal sized and sometimes it is "puffed" or swollen up)
pain in upper back and shoulder... sort of a stiffness, it feels in the muscle
"

As I said, I haven't felt quite right ever since I was 17 and I am at my wits end trying to feel "okay" again.

Thankyou for your concern and any help or advice you can offer is appreciated. If you have any questions about me or whatever, feel free to ask.