Just as I thought---there is more to it that sex problems! Some of the problems you have aren't unlike what other couples have. As for the kids---have you talked to him and told him what you expect of him where the kids are concerned? Has he expressed any concerns or had any questions regarding what kind of involvement you want him to have? Since you both work full-time, then, yes, you both should be sharing some of the household duties. Are there any household jobs he is good at doing or doesn't mind doing? If so, then he can take those on while you do others. What about your kids? Do they have chores? If not, then you should assign them some age-appropriate ones. The trick is not to overburden them but to let them know that they have an obligation to take part in keeping the household running smoothly. Did it ever occur to you that the reason he may not help the kids so much could be that he thinks they should be more independent? Again, you need to sit down with him and spell things out where the kids are concerned.

(You're welcome! I'm happy my advice is appreciated. I'm always sort of reluctant to post it, not knowing if it helps at all. And about talking, you can talk to me whenever you wish. I'm not going anywhere!)

Your plan sounds good. It also screams "I want to go NOW!"

So, I've got a question for you: in your first post you said you didn't want to uproot your daughter and didn't want to rip him away from your son, who lost his dad. Were these your concerns before you talked to your children about it? Because they seemed very significant in your first post and now they seem almost non-existent. Or was it something exaggerated by your fear for change? (guessing again, so set me straight if I'm wrong)

Also beware that your children may act tougher than they really are. Your daughter who is in high school now probably has a solid base of friends. Not just in school, but in the neighborhood as well. Isn't she troubled by the idea of leaving them behind?

Moving means being "the new girl in town" and that also means she could have a hard time finding new friends in tightly knit groups of people that have known eachother for years. It might be easier for your son, given his age, but at 9, most kids have a "best friend" and leaving him/her might be hard. Also, with a father figure missing from his life he might have a hard time letting go of your partner, even if said person doesn't seem to give a shit.

I think the old adage "work to live, not the other way around" would be a good advice for your man. If I'm getting this straight it's like his sole reason for being is to work long days at the construction site and that there literally isn't much left of him when that's stripped away.

I can understand your irritation at his lack of interest. I would feel the same. But it makes one wonder: is he really this shallow? I've made multiple mistakes in the past in judging people, finding out that there's more to even the most 'simple' person than that meets the eye. Could he have trouble expressing himself, having become 'locked' inside himself in the process? What do you know about his past?

He might actually care about your children, but be at a loss how best to express this without claiming them. Maybe he's afraid to. This could explain why he's leaving the parental role entirely up to you. Distance and a dismissive attitude when you confront him about this might actually prove that point. (Again, I'm just making wild guesses.)

I'm not saying you should stay. Not at all. If you're absolutely positive that moving won't harm your children, (like you said) and you know what to do and where to go, I'd say "do it." Love is essential in a relationship and right now I think your appreciation for him has reached an all-time low. If hope of reviving it is practically none, then I think moving might actually be a good thing to do, before you start to resent him and in turn make it into a toxic enviroment for your children to grow up in. Also, as the years pas, they will develop more attachment for him, making leaving then almost impossible without driving a wedge between you and your kids. Also, if you really hell bent on moving quickly, your children can still enroll in school and not lose a year (which would happen if you'd wait for another few months.)

That said, I also want to voice my concern that your excitement for a clean slate might have clouded your judgment. If you're really honest with yourself and find that you're not certain, I'd say: wait it out for one more (school)year, take your time preparing the big move and mentally prepare your children if they are more attached to this current "home" than you initially thought. I remember my parents telling me we we're moving when I was 12. I had a year to say goodbye to everyone and prepare myself and I think that made a huge difference. When we moved to the town I currently live in, I was ready and even excited.
Also, doing this should drive the point home to your man that you're serious.

Again, a long post, but if you find it to be of any help, it was worth writing it. I also hope I didn't offend you in any way by stating these thoughts.

Hope to hear from you!