Since it is day 3, I have no hungry pains, but it isn't food that I want, but answers and connection with God. I have alot of things going on right now, and I really need to fast and pray. My heart and soul are weary and I need comfort with this connection with God.

I tried to fast a week ago and I only got to the first day. It is true when God wants you to fast, your body will just do it. It isn't something you can really make yourself do. It has to be right, and some how, some way you will have the strength to keep to your fast.

I guess I am kind of rambling. Sorry. I just know when I tried, I couldn't do it, but when God moved me, I have been able to cope with doing a water fast. I know when I tried to fast on October 9th, I was weak and not ready to take on this fast so I failed, but now since I have been praying for three days, I really didn't realize until yesterday that I had eaten anything. I guess I didn't expect to go on the fast since I failed on the 9th. Now I have a fridge full of food, that I purchased Tuesday, but it wasn't until Wednesday that I realized I hadn't eaten anything. Last night I was comtimplating eating, but I just ended up focusing on praying and thinking about things. What a waste of money, if my fast ends up being longer then a couple days. I don't know.

I guess I can donate the perishable foods to a friend or someone who needs it.

All I do know is that in the past couple months, things have been going down hill.
It is time that I clean my house and make corrections to the problems that I have allowed to happen in my life and within my life.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13

The various things I have in mind when I am praying and fasting during this time. I would like to fast for 40 days or more like Moses, Elijah and Jesus or 21 days like Daniel, but it is really up to my body and to God. I really don't think that I will be able to do that for that long, because K. will notice since we have been hanging out alot as well as my mother would notice as well, since she is coming to visit in November. Oh well. I will just have to play it by ear. I just want to do what God needs me to do in order for Him to move in my life.

These are the list of things I would like to see God move within my life.

1. I pray that I can see myself moving toward being more like the Godly woman in Proverbs 31. I am falling away from things that I should be doing more then I have been doing such as house cleaning.

2. I pray that I can see myself reading my Bible more and trying to apply it into my life in a day manner rather then just use it when I am heavy of heart.

3. I pray that God heals the pain in my heart regarding my dearheart, P, who my heart still loves even though our relationship has ended. And guide me to what direction is right to take regarding this issue. I guess I am very confused on this because he doesn't know what he wants. He is currently living in Texas and wanted to know if I would move to Texas with him. I would, but I feel that if he really wanted me to, he would express his desire to want me back in his life. It really hurts to hear that he is lonely and thinks of me, but doesn't know if it will work with us.

If I moved, I would have to get rid of my trailer, which is now paid off, quit both of my jobs and pack everything up and move to a different state. P. can't even tell me that we would work out. If he is hesitatant then I am as well. I really do wish he would say that he loves me still and wants me to come to Texas so we can be together, but I am not getting it. He is just confusing me, on what I should be doing and what God wants me to do. Regardless, it is going to hurt so very much.

I want to obtain the healing that others who seeked God with prayer and fasting obtained. I want God to touch me, heal me and counsel me. I have to remember those healed in I Samuel 1:5-11, 18-20,II Samuel 12:15-16, 22-23,Isaiah 58:8, and Acts 9:9, 17-19

4. I pray for God to move in my life regarding K, so that I might know if he is a person I should confide in and trust as a Christian and as a male friend. K is very attentive to me and he tries to spend as much time as he can with me when I am not working. I guess it just seems that it is too good to be true. Almost like Person B. was during my last fast. I found out what type of person, G was just by waiting on God. I think I was saved from a lot of heartache because of it. Thank you Lord! God knows that I have several different fears regarding this friendship. I know that fear is not of God at all, so I fast just as Jehoshaphat did when he had fear.

"And Jehoshaphat feared, and set himself to seek the Lord, and proclaimed a fast"

II Chronicles 20:3

5. I pray that God helps me control a bouts of Depression and emotional eating that I have during times of stress and uncertainty. I have found myself wanting to eat when I am upset at times, which is not good. It is a habit that my mother had. If you are upset, comfort yourself with food. I eat healthy most of the time, but juggling two jobs can be stressful as well on top of trying to cultivate a new friendship with a guy. I am just so uncertain and uneasy to the point of depression.

6. I pray that God guide me to the right path to walk so I might do what is in His will and not necessarily my own.

I know during this fast, I have to be careful because I do not want to make a big deal out of it. I know that I will be posting entries here, but I do that so I might express my feelings and steps as I go through this fast. I do not do it to glorify myself, but God.

I must always remember this.

"Moreover when ye fast, be not as the hypocrites,of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face; that thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret."

Matthew 6:16-18

With this fast, I want to humble myself before the Lord and be still and know He is God.

"I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting" Psalms 69:10

I know it will not be easy at all, but if I have God beside me, who can I fear? No one! My walk will be steady and sure. I might not enjoy parts of my fast, since I will be detoxing and stuff, but I must deal with the uncomfortableness of my body as my flesh is worked and plied as I fill my mind with His word. I must clean my house of things that are unhealthy for me. And to do so, it will not be pleasant, but I will do it anyway.

I hope no matter how long I fast, I can give God the glory because I love Him.

God bless anyone that might be encouraged by reading what I have to say. I am sure in the future it might seem more like rambling at times. I still hope it might help someone. :o)