DAY FOUR: Monday- August 28th
MORNING WEIGHT: 149
Back to Work Today...
Date: 8/28/2006 4:24:15 PM ( 15 y ) ... viewed 1560 times
MORNING WEIGHT: 149
Calories consumed: 640
(Apple juice heated w/cayenne, blueberry juice, vegetable juice)
Back to work today. I had a feeling the scales wouldn't move much today. Mostly because I haven't gone to the bathroom and then my stomach feels bloated. I think I know the reason. Yesterday I bought some store brand vegetable juice (I know, I know) and had a large mug of it. I'm sure the salt in it is forcing my body to hold on to all kinds of excess water. I know they say v8 is just blended veggies so I found a brand whose ingredients seemed to be all juice, no purees mentioned. Still I think it is holding me back and still I gave in and had another mug about an hour ago! It has about a quarter of the calories the apple juice has but something about it does not feel right. I think I'll sadly have to throw out the rest tonight when I get home. It's too bad cause it satisfies my salty urge.
I am generally not a sweet eater. I actually eat really good foods for the most part, just over induldge. I love salty foods so the juice does not satisfy that. Oh well. Tomorrow I better see a big drop. I think I'm just gonna try to clean my apartment a little when I get home in preperation for my friend coming out to visit next week, and then go to sleep early, like 8 early and sleep off the cravings. I wish I could just do this and feel normal and be able to go out and do things. I end up being such a bum when I do this.
Also my friend wants to visit all kinds of LA fast food joints and go camping and I don't know how I'll stay on it during all that. I also feel like it is kind of rude to not dine with him. I mean I can always order a juice? Well I have until the 7th to worry about that and if I'm doing really good I won't want to quit. It always seems like something comes up when I want to fast, but I guess that's life. Last time it was the trip to NYC, this time it is my friend visiting, other times it's been parties or more traveling. My life just never seems very consistent, which I love, but it makes things like this really hard. 3 more hours of work and I am free!
OK I'm off work now. I was reading the forums earlier today and someone mentioned making a list of the reasons you are fasting and re-reading it when you feel close to giving in. Once again I feel very close. This time I'm craving the Snack Wrap from McDonalds. I've never had it but I've seen a commercial recently and now it's all I can think about. The chicken and blue cheese desire is pretty much gone. It's so weird how you crave things you normally would really have no desire for. Okay so here is my list:
(1) I don't want to be CHUBBY anymore. Plain and simple. As I've said before I'm not ultra weight conscious. I'm happy with myself even when I'm not skinny. I actually like my never-been-flat stomach. I think I am curvy which I think is sexy, I just don't want to be chubby. ANd I feel like for the last four years I've been what you'd call chubby. Not huge, not fat, I can dress to hide it but my arms are just big enough that I feel uncomfortable in tanks and tee shirts. ANd I've seen recent pictures of myself that I've wanted to tear up because I looked so gross.
(2) This guy I was seeing/dating who knows what you call it, is coming back to town soon, after being away for work for a couple of months. Granted he's seen me naked and I felt comfortable enough, he is pretty skinny, which makes me feel HUGE. He's also recently lost a lot of weight himself so I feel like he is ultra weight conscious with himself and other people which of course makes me more conscious. He's NEVER said or hinted a word about me being heavy. I just feel so much bigger than him.
I defintely have to go to bed early. I am craving food so badly. I was so tempted by this pasta in the fridge. I had to put other items in front of it so I wouldn't see it anymore. I don't know if it's the veggie juice or what. I feel like my cravigns were not nearly as bad the first time I did this. Tomorrow will be day five. I think that's pretty damn good. Though I tell you I better start seeing a loss again. I don't know how people control themselves by not weighing every day. I wish I could do it once a week but I think it's stepping on the scale every morning that motivates me to continue, even if it isn't real weight. I figure only about 5-6 lbs could be water. Anything beyond that I will count as a real loss. And my body just feels so nicely light and my stomach so flat. I love it. Okay I'm gonna drink some juice and take some fiber and maybe watch jeopardy before I go to bed.
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