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Day 12: Ick! Stinky detox! Day 12, decisions, and detoxing! [color=indigo]I'm certainly detoxing! I can't get away from myself. I'm reeking through every pore. Ick. I hadn't felt much discernable effects of the fasting until recently. Perhaps those crackers were preventing or slowing the ability of my body to address the fasting issues at hand. There is a distinct chemical odor surrounding me constantly. I suspect this is just one of many detox cycles I'm beginning now. I know I'm pretty toxic. Not only due to my toxic environment (simply living on the earth, I mean), but the past six months have invaded my body with all kinds of 'treatments' and 'cures' ... drugs and radioactive dyes. Be gone, then, ye stinky poisons! :!: Spiritually, I've been refreshed. What a blessing that is to me! I've been through some dry places of late. Oasis time! Yesterday I sat out on the deck in the early morning sunshine. It felt so good to simply absorb the gentle sunshine on my skin. I leaned back, put my feet up on the footstool, and dedicated my entire body as 'instruments of righteousness'. I started at the top of my head and prayed through each member of my body, dedicating them all to God's will as instruments of righteousness. I get reluctant to continue this juice/water fasting every evening. EVERY evening. I'm not sure it's totally hunger that sets this off, either. Now, it's a little comical, but since I do not know when God will switch me from juice/water fasting over to 90%+ (maybe even 100%) raw eating, every evening I ask my Abba if this is the time to break the fast and begin the raw. Each time I ask, my stomach and my mind begin shouting and screaming and clamouring so loudly with rationalizations and reasons and longings for something to CHEW that I cannot hear His voice! :? So I've started doing something that was done frequently in Bible accounts -- (they used straws)...I toss a coin. Oh, please, don't judge me for this! Look in the Biblical accounts and you'll see it is often used as a way to discern God's will. Even in Proverbs 16 it's mentioned. (that's off the top of my head, I THINK it's Proverbs 16 that talks about how God even rules over the outcome of that type of decision making). Of course, I pray before I flip. I'm anxious to tell you guys this, since it could be taken as such a worldly way to discern God's will. But my will is SUCH a powerful thing right now that I honestly do NOT trust a 'peaceful' FEELING (so easily generated by a willful inner ME) or a sensing (once again, so easily generated by ME). I truly, truly desire GOD'S will and not my own, and that is why I am doing this...to rule out ANY self deception. Two out of three, heads is stay on the fast another 24 hours. Three nights in a row I've had heads win, so onward I go. Some people call that method 'putting out a fleece', referring to the account of Gideon. But the results have been quite clear - remain on the fast, and so I have. And having reached this stinky detox is a good thing. I will still have detoxes on raw, but not as intense or thorough, I imagine. I will, God willing, have my drains taken out on Tuesday, which is also the day I visit the oncologist again. She's a nice lady, but every time I've gone to talk to her, she discourages me by heavily recommending chemotherapy and radiation. I have one more decision to make concerning chemo. They're concerned the cancer has spread on the undetectable, microscopic level. I have to tell her 'no, thank you!' one more time. This may be another chance for me to testify in faith. God is the giver and sustainer of my physical life, not a six month, intensive chemical toxic treatment. It's not the DECISION to take chemo or to refuse it that will make the difference in sustaining my life. I could submit to chemo and be fine, or die. I could refuse it and be fine, or die. The chemo is not the enemy, nor is the refusal. The enemy is trusting in ANYTHING besides God for my life/death. If I trust in refusing chemo more than I trust God, or if I trust in taking the chemo more than I trust God, THAT would be the problem. Some believers take chemo, others don't. It doesn't matter. One is not better than another. Each is individual. What matters is that we worship GOD ALONE. That's the crux of the matter. Well, this missive turned out to be all about decisions, didn't it? God rules the toss of the coin. God rules the outcomes of sincere decisions made with ANY method. God rules 'mistakes' made in sincere confusion. God simply desires our sincere, worshipful trust in His Loving, all-consuming Power. God rules my heart! :D [/color]
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