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My own insecurities have shaped my life
Progess not perfectiion.I learned that in AA and try to apply it in my life, but I forget!!
Date: 5/13/2005 5:52:09 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 3096 times They always get in my way, my insecurities. It seems like I just make some progress and the next thing I know I am putting my ambitions on the shelf because I will only go so far and then I pull back. My psychiatrist would no doubt have me back in my childhood, which is right. That is where it all began. Being the oldest daughter of four girls, my life revolved around helping: run the house and mother and my alcholic father and be a moderator for their fights, and then what was left over I was suppose to be a "A" student, play the piano, only be involved with people, places and things they approved of, and if I verved off that path to explore me, I was yanked back with a vengeance.
My main goal was to get away from my family, and I did. I dropped out of college and made marriage after marriage after marriage my carrer goal.
My second marriage was the longest and also the most productive in terms of my 4 wonderful children, and my finding my life calling in the natural health field. In so many ways it was a beautiful time in my life, even with the Vietnam war. A time when I was with people who were all sharing the same ideas: we truly wanted a better world, and worked each in our own way to achieve those lofty ideals.
My life ended one day when I found my husband was addicted to cocaine. 15yrs. of building and planning was up his nose.
I fell apart and I never rebounded not fully. Oh, I walked away, hurt my children and for the next 5 years I was on a path of self destruction. My divorce, the loss of all we had worked for, my mother's 5year battle with cancer got the best of her, my youngest, 15 year old daughter became pregnant. I lost my fight with the gov't over taking the building where my health food business was by eminent domain, and my dog died, our beloved sheltie we had since the twins were born, had enough of it all.
Another marriage another divorce.
A geographical cure 1500 miles away.
Another 15yrs and I am married again.
Another wounded bird for me to heal and send on his way?
Maybe!!!
One thing, for me anyway, the longer I stay on a raw diet the events of my life are much more defined, unlike my brain that can get so cluttered with my desires to "accomplish" and make up for those lost years.
I did well yesterday. I worked on my web site made phone calls to prospective advertisers who might want to link to my site and today I am going to call a web designer, because try as I might I can only go so far with front page.
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