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God, My Lover
Feeling positive right now
after shaky morning.
Practical things to do right now.
Date: 8/24/2006 11:09:07 AM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 1520 times 8:46 AM
August 24, 06
Fresh energy in the middle of the night.
Woke up and Blogged.
Powerful coming together.
Felt deeply lonely yesterday.
Felt like I needed something at the
Whole Being Weekend, time before
the Whole Group, and that was not being
enthusiastically received, although I was
being asked to commit to do the Rosh Hashanah things.
Feeling a bit more inside myself now.
Got some significant listening from
Peggy Sue last night, who has been
a witness for so very long. She does
a major before the whole group activity
at the Whole Being Weekend.
Also called and got a call back from Morea,
who is one of the primary healing people in my life.
Morea was at my side at both my Hip Replacements
in the early 2000's. She took me to the hospital both times.
Woke up with deep lonliness again this morning
after writing until 5 AM.
Held my heart with my hands, and focused on
God as my Lover. Then I continue to have some
lovely dreams where I had women connections
that were intimate and a man connection that expressed
a close friendship.
I have been unnerved with the idea that I cannot count
on this Powerbook G4 550 to carry me to the end of my
Summer Record Keeping project.
In this moment is is O.K. but I have had two episodes
of loud noises that tell me the Hard Drive is going bad.
I have an appointment around 1 with Crywolf,
San Diego Mac specialists.
They are going to help replace the harddrive.
So what preparations should I be thinking about
for ease of transition to the New Harddrive?
I want to go as little further Foundation Unnerving
as possible.
1. I will leave the Powerbook G4 400 untouched
for now. I found I can run the Quicken 2004 on this
machine.
My middle of the night insights were to trade
use of these machines to housemates in trade
for help with Record Keeping.
Unanswered question: How long will Quicken support
the 2004 program?
I discovered yesterday that I can easily upload from
the Quicken 2004 to the Quicken 2006.
I experienced doing that at the Apple Store.
2. PRACTICAL
There are enormous discounts on the new
Macpro for students. Brandon suggests
getting a student I.D. card from the Adult Ed
school on Aero Drive. I was feeling to
take a class there.
Where does this Utter sense of loneliness come from?
It feels like a sense of separation,
a sense of isolation.
It can be triggered by feelings of
the Unavailabilty of my Best Friend.
She is consistently my friend,
but levels of connection vary in intensity.
No blame there. She has her hands full,
more than full. There is an opportunity for me
to support her generally and I do get triggered.
I have experienced the redeath of my Mother Ann
in the last week, and also the body fear stuck in my
Crack over being left alone at night...lots of fear
there.
Morea was talking about how much she is getting
out of Body Work at ISPB, a local school.
Better get on to the practical:
Locate my Now Contact that I use.
start using the version on the Hardrive.
All the Data on this machine is going to be cleared.
Then reloaded.
I want to have that current data on the G4....
My current calender and Contact list...
DO that NOW...Sweet Leslie
9:06 AM
Morning Connection:
Call Judith, and leave a message...
She is in Detox week from Chemo.
Who are some of my other Allies,
that can remind me I am not alone
in this world to the place where I feel panic?
Is there any other tool to use
to lessen the sense of abandonment being
triggered?
God is my Lover
God is my Lover
God is my Lover.
9:11 AM
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