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In The Moment, And It Really Sucks
Broken. Healing one second at a time.
Date: 11/12/2017 2:21:35 PM ( 7 y ) ... viewed 1240 times I was listening the Eckert Toller earlier today as I was organizing my room. He was saying that being in the moment, right now, is actually bliss. Excuse me? Uh, no. Not for me. In the moment for me? Alone. Broke. Broken.
Bliss, my ass.
A friend in Vegas last night tried to tear me a new one because I posted on Thursday that I wished on a falling star. I said that I felt like maybe I was getting a free wish from God.
Well, he hammered back that God doesn't give out wishes and do I think God is Santa, and why do bad things happen to good people.
Understandable.
Vegas just got a f***ing wake up call from life... and it was the worst anyone could have imagined it to be.
I get it.
However...
Don't beat on me until you know who you're beating on.
I explained myself, the death, the abandonment, the really bad things that happened to this "good" person... ad nauseam.
He writes back, "I love ya."
Next time, glove up.
Yes, that was my reply.
f***. f***. f***.
Off to work. Got just enough gas to get to the job and then to the bank. Just. Enough. 56 miles worth of fuel, 56 miles worth of road to go.
f***.
Gratitude?
I have work to go to. No, it's not what I studied for. It is not even something I want to be doing.
I have my body intact. It could be worse and at my age, that could happen at any moment.
I have a hot tub of water I am about to plunge into before I live the second half of my day. I have hot water, I have a tub, and I have working limbs to get in and out of the damn thing.
So. There's my gratitude.
Not nearly what I was shooting for by this time in my life. And therein, lies the rub.
Broken.
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