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A random twist of thoughts
Feelings in relationships
Date: 3/30/2011 12:37:35 PM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 28032 times Feeling a lot calmer today. Yesterday I went to training and saw Mitch and went car shopping with him. When I'm with him, I feel high and no time lapse whatsoever. Also, every time he touches me I feel a strong exchange of sexua| energy. It's as if time stands still but goes too fast when we're together. Then it was over as fast as it began and I came home and did the rest of my day. I am feeling a bit shakey but not sure why today. I was feeling pretty nervous the rest of the day yesterday over what to do with Alfonso and it was hard to eat. I didn't eat until late and we had a frozen pizza with some steamed rice. It was pretty good but my body never really loves pizza. I feel like to really release the few extra pounds, I have to really want to, but it seems like covering over all these other things that are really causing me lots of turmoil.
Alfonso had a dream last night of a little white cat who lived at our house and was adorable. He would sneak in when we left and sneak out when we came home. We would only see him sneaking out when we came home. He thought this might be symbolic of a part of ourselves that we are learning to be in alignment with. A more softer loving side of ourselves and interaction with each other.
Sometimes my life feels very scattered and its hard to focus my energies on anything in particular.
I know that I am crazy about Mitch but what does it really mean? Are there paths in life that we are meant to take and paths that we are meant to leave? What happens if we do a path that we were meant to leave? What happens if we don't listen to the excitement of our souls? Do we end up having unfulfilled lives?
Then I wonder, why do I feel such a pull to Mitch? Why do I love Alfonso but not feel that pull anymore. I am only 25 but why do we feel so strong towards certain people? I remember my first relationship which was a magnetic attraction that drove me insane because it was so toxic for me. I felt so unloved and uncared for and alone in the world. I loved and cared for him but felt no reciprocation or unity in the relationship.
I had to let it go completely.
Anyway, I am going to work from 12 to 4 then 6 to 8 today for internship. I tutored last night. I am thinking about tutoring more for a while until I can start making money with my degree in July. I look forward to graduation.
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