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Thursday March 10, 2011 10:45am
What I want, and where I'm at.
Date: 3/10/2011 12:54:49 PM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 24811 times I got my period yesterday while I was doing my run at the beach, so I've been cramping and having lots of fatigue. I fasted all day yesterday until I got home and had tea and my boyfriend made me soup, salad, and sandwich. It was good. I woke up in the middle of the night and had really bad pain so I took a tylenol and had a cup of kefir, and now I am having my coffee this morning.
I still obsess about what I eat, I don't know if this will ever change. Yet, when I got home I weighed 112.5 rather than the 116 in the morning which shows that most of it is water weight.
Because I am so petite, 112.5 is good but not what I exactly desire. I really want to be 105-108.
I have some issues with over abundance of candida, I have also been having some strong desires to drink alcohol almost every night.
I am working in a place where I do group therapy with cancer patients. Last night, I felt a really strong feeling of having taken on someone's anger. I don't know what it was. Maybe there is still a part of me that resonates with her anger. It feels so powerful and I remember being so angry at my parents and even the whole world just a few years ago. I remember just wanting to make art to express my anger. Yet, now I feel so much less like a rebel. I feel more into the Law of Attraction which basically is showing that we create our reality with our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs.
So, I attempt at working consciously with this law, yet I have some negative tape recordings in my head and habits that don't really seem to help me, but I do them anyway.
I really want to be in my mini skirts and feel happy about my legs and my weight and just feel free and bouncy in my body. I do not want to be as thin as I was when I was younger because I was practically anorexic looking and that takes away sexuality completely.
I love the expression of sexuality. I love it. I also love travel, and feeling good in my body. I love the feeling of freedom.
Some things I would love, would be traveling the world with unlimited spending money to do so. Staying in beautiful hotels, with the most extravagant scenery. Meeting fun people, eating good food, learning about other cultures, observing people and places that I've never seen before.
I want to travel so badly! I hope I can take a month off during the summer to do this. I graduate school in June!
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