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Life Needs to Carry Me Someplace and I Don't Know
morning thoughts January 20 2011.
Date: 1/20/2011 11:50:21 AM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 31992 times
9:24 am
January 20, 2011
POEM
Life needs to carry me someplace
and I don't know.
END OF POEM?
Garden Management Journal
I am grateful to life that I got out of
bed this morning.
It took a lot.
There are a few things I know now,
that I feel I want to do.
There are others things I feel I do not want to do.
I want to write.
I want to listen to the inspiration inside me
and put it out.
I feel like a needy person.
I know that i have spent years writing things
that have given me pleasure to write
and given pleasure to others.
There are so many of these things.
I can imagine, if I had nothing else
taking my time, to look though millions of
papers, and maybe assemble some of them
together. Many of these are already in book form.
I am not sure I have the energy
to go off into an alone place
that might feel like a lonely place
to work with them.
It has been an amazing gift
this life. I am clear of that.
I was just talking to Morea Garcia,
one of my best listeners.
She was reminding me that she would say
to others, "Never underestimate Leslie."
One time, I could hardly walk.
Morea and I went 3000 miles to Orlando Florida
to the Disney Hilton. I committed to put together
an Enchanted Garden Installation.
The Disney Staff provided the plants
and came to help set them up.
Morea reminds me that happened.
I still have two plants on my back porch that
Disney Epcot Center gave me.
LIVING HERE
I can imagine continuing to live here.
There is a whole lot of negative energy that needs
to be cleared out.
I do not have the will to clear out that energy.
I will do my best to do that.
I can imagine having a fresh start here,
but I recoil from what it will take to clear the
problems.
REVERBERATING FROM ABUSE
I have realing from what felt like abuse
this morning. It was innocent. I am the one
who felt abused.
Did she now know--please do not knock on
my door in the morning? I was not ready.
I need to determine who I talk to in the early
morning, I am not available.
It raised questions I did not want
to think about now.
Now I cannot hear what is inside me.
9:43 am
January 20, 2011
PAIN
What was I about to write about pain?
I hear the dog visitor scampering down the stairs...
I am distracted.
Who does my mind belong to?
Weary. I feel weary now.
There is so much more I thought I might life to write.
Now I feel like crawling into bed.
I am feeling defeated.
I am ashamed of it.
I need more energy to continue now.
I am not able get the energy I need right now
to continue the next idea.
How sad.
Regroup?
9:47 am
How shameful.
Do I really want to share this with anyone?
What have I given here worth sharing?
I need to regroup...
back soon...
9:50 am
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