9:24 am
January 20, 2011


POEM

Life needs to carry me someplace
and I don't know.

END OF POEM?

Garden Management Journal

I am grateful to life that I got out of
bed this morning.
It took a lot.

There are a few things I know now,
that I feel I want to do.
There are others things I feel I do not want to do.

I want to write.
I want to listen to the inspiration inside me
and put it out.

I feel like a needy person.
I know that i have spent years writing things
that have given me pleasure to write
and given pleasure to others.

There are so many of these things.
I can imagine, if I had nothing else
taking my time, to look though millions of
papers, and maybe assemble some of them
together. Many of these are already in book form.

I am not sure I have the energy
to go off into an alone place
that might feel like a lonely place
to work with them.

It has been an amazing gift
this life. I am clear of that.

I was just talking to Morea Garcia,
one of my best listeners.

She was reminding me that she would say
to others, "Never underestimate Leslie."

One time, I could hardly walk.
Morea and I went 3000 miles to Orlando Florida
to the Disney Hilton. I committed to put together
an Enchanted Garden Installation.

The Disney Staff provided the plants
and came to help set them up.
Morea reminds me that happened.

I still have two plants on my back porch that
Disney Epcot Center gave me.


LIVING HERE

I can imagine continuing to live here.

There is a whole lot of negative energy that needs
to be cleared out.

I do not have the will to clear out that energy.

I will do my best to do that.

I can imagine having a fresh start here,
but I recoil from what it will take to clear the
problems.

REVERBERATING FROM ABUSE

I have realing from what felt like abuse
this morning. It was innocent. I am the one
who felt abused.

Did she now know--please do not knock on
my door in the morning? I was not ready.
I need to determine who I talk to in the early
morning, I am not available.

It raised questions I did not want
to think about now.

Now I cannot hear what is inside me.

9:43 am
January 20, 2011


PAIN

What was I about to write about pain?

I hear the dog visitor scampering down the stairs...
I am distracted.

Who does my mind belong to?

Weary. I feel weary now.

There is so much more I thought I might life to write.

Now I feel like crawling into bed.
I am feeling defeated.
I am ashamed of it.

I need more energy to continue now.

I am not able get the energy I need right now
to continue the next idea.

How sad.

Regroup?

9:47 am

How shameful.

Do I really want to share this with anyone?
What have I given here worth sharing?

I need to regroup...
back soon...

9:50 am




 

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