Identifying My Needs by Chef JeM Blog entry

Blog: Son of Truth of Self
by Chef JeM

Identifying My Needs

Reflections on the needs inventory I found at http://cnvc.org/

Date: 11/14/2009 2:58:32 AM ( 15 y ) ... viewed 2435 times

Over the last few weeks I have been more aware of my need for connection with others and especially with my other house mates. I made a decision to reach out to the others and ask to share quality communications with them. I actually was able to contact about half the housemates. A few were simply not available. I figured that wherever I can make the connection it would be worth it! When I made that connection I felt blessings!

I have a need for acceptance from by others of my feelings and at least have my needs acknowledged. One of the house mates I contacted didn't seem to really accept and/or fully acknowledge my need but instead presented their need and then that seemed to "trump" my need as they then were wanting me to meet their need. That was an interesting dynamic! I simply did not have the willingness to create something with another in that moment when I admitted that would not meet my need.

I don't usually think of having a need for affection, however when it appears I appreciate it! I felt a lot of affection when I first arrived here! That was over a year and a half ago! Long time without feeling a lot affection!

Speaking of appreciation, I now see I have a need for that whereas in the past I seemed to make light of it. I had several experiences of a house mate expressing their appreciation for things I gave them and I found that their appreciation really validated and encouraged my giving!

I have a need for belonging. In what is known as my "Human Design" I actually have a design for community! What makes community real for me is feeling I belong in the community by all the community members. Steiner says words to the effect a healthy social life exists when the wholeness of the community is reflected in every member and when the virtues of each member is recognized by the community.

I have a great need for cooperation. Cooperation is a large part of what community means to me.

My need for communication is comparable to my need for life! Communication literally is life to me! I'd like to ask all my house mates "What actually is communication?" I'd love to allow that to be a most significant contemplation. Anyone can get a partner and have them say to you: "Tell me what communication is". Take turns of five minutes each and spend about half the time contemplating what communication is to you and the other half telling your partner. For me it is the true foundation of community. A vision is not the foundation! Vision is about who you are as a social group. It's how you see yourselves together. Communication is relating to one another and especially it is relating with one another in a way that you can fit together! Communication is what joins and holds community together. It is absolutely the most essential ingredient for building-up a community. It is only through our interpersonal communications that we can have a shared reality! The highest dreams for world peace by themselves are not giving real peace to anyone unless the dream is planted in a shared reality held by two or more. Real, connecting communication can make the dream a reality!

Through communication we can nourish our affinity for one another! Do you feel antipathy toward someone? Maybe you need to understand them and/or have them understand you by communicating with them and especially by listening to what they feel and what they need!

I have a need for the kind of closeness that comes from truth telling with a lot of kindness!

In addition to having inferred my need for community: My need for community first began entering my awareness while I was still living at home with my family of origin. I remember visiting at my friends and feeling more at home there than I felt "at home"! Years later I consciously acknowledged community as the heart and home of my social sphere.

I have a need for companionship. I see having companionship relationships as a most prectcal way for creating the essential links in building community.

I have a need to receive compassion from others. Compassion allows me to feel the safety I need to reveal my feelings.

I need consideration for my aversion to over stimulation, (TV, most movies) aggressiveness, "drama" as well as my sensitivity to noise.

I need inclusion in the planing of household gatherings.

I need the intimacy of sharing real feelings that people take full responsibility for.

I need love!

I think I believed I was beyond this need and almost forgot about it but I do need nurturing. I think I see a glimpse of it on occasion with a housemate or two. Love is nurturing.

I always need respect and I have become more aware of my ability for self-respect.

I need safety in many ways.

I need security in a number of ways.

I need emotional/psychological stability. I have a vision for self stabilization through attentive listening.

I need support in a number of ways.

I need to know the truth of others and have my truth be known.

I need to understand the needs of others (These are the universal needs that all humans share vs the need for everyone to be like them.)[1]

I need to be understood. I realize that need can only be met by sharing complete communication with others.

I need to trust others to be able to tolerate how I meet my need for clear communications with them which may necessitate my interrupting their talk to correct a misunderstanding whenever I hear that.

I need warmth! Especially as we go into Winter!

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Notes:

[1] http://cnvc.org/en/learn-online/needs-list/needs-inventory

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Keywords:

CONNECTION, acceptance, affection, appreciation, belonging, cooperation, communication, closeness, community, companionship, compassion, consideration, inclusion, intimacy, love, nurturing, respect, safety, security, stability, support, to know, to be known, to understand, to be understood