1111 I have been stranded by circumstances for the last few weeks... I have ended up in a motel for several of those days... It is hard for me to meditate properly in a hotel/motel situation so I have done what I avoid like the plague otherwise.. I turned on the television... After over 18 years of not watching television, I can tell you nothing has improved about it since I abandoned it. So much violence and drama in it is the anathema for the soul. It is one long advertisement for creating a militarized xenophobic dystopia. The titillation of pretty people also diminishes one's ability to have affection for the less than pristine beauty of those who are the actors and actresses in the shows... The Tee vee makes me feel as if, because I am not as brilliant or beautiful as those on the television, I am not worthy of affection also.

I am going to get a efficiency apartment soon and bring my Autistic 20 year old down so we can form a subset of family that can have a purpose. I was out sleeping on the beach the other night and thinking how in the world could a person like me end up here,,, without a place to stay? And I realized that almost all of my friends were not able to help me... I had moved away to a new job... hundreds of mile from my network... and all I had was me to keep me going... I get up and go to a gym to workout, shower, dress up nice and go to work... only... I have become homeless because I am taking care of another family I started and failed at making a livable homelife... The television there and the screaming of my partner made it very difficult for me to stay there...

but... I need to be in community/// the universe has drawn me to my circumstance where I will now live in community with my Autistic daughter... a fine artist.

I wish you well on your journey to community and genuine affection...

yhblsrd1111