still day one, still holding on

having a bad day

Date:   11/5/2009 5:31:38 PM   ( 14 y ) ... viewed 2148 times

There is something that I have not talked about that is going on with me. It has been going on for three days. I have been having images flash in my mind. Disgusting images. Images of corpses with open sores that move and maggots and tons of swarming flies. These images are unlike anything I have ever seen before so I know that it has to be some sort of fabrication of my mind. I love horror movies and it must be a compilation of things that I have seen before in movies or on tv. I dont know what triggered it. I didnt watch a horror movie three nights ago when the images started. I dont get it. Things of this nature never used to bother me. Even if I saw an image of this nature in my dreams or otherwise, I would just say "ew, thats disgusting" and move on. It wouldnt freak me out and have me rithing in disgust. I talked to my mother, my father, and my aunt about it and my aunt said that I just need to stop watching things of that nature. My mother and father told me to pray and ask God to help me with this. My mother told me that maybe it is a demon that has found that right combination of images from things that I have already seen. The combination of images that would freak me out. She told me that I need to rebuke the demon and seek Gods face. I prayed and feel that God is telling me to get away from media for a little while. I need to quiet my mind and focus it back on things that are lovely and beautiful and that are of God. I think that after I finish blogging that I will get my bible out and read.

There is another thing that bothered me today. A person that I love and care about very much is sick. He has a cold. This may not seem like a big deal to most people but to this person it could be fatal. He has HIV and a common cold could take down someone with HIV. His cold has also caused him to have laryngitis. Its weird. Whenever I hear he is even the slightest bit sick I break down and cry. I cry because I know that he could be taken down by something stupid like a cold. I worry about him and I always want to spend as much time as I can with. To me he is like a balloon in a room filled with outward facing thumbtacks. Anything could kill him. He always tells me that anyone of us could die anytime. He says that he could die of something unrelated to HIV. I know all this but it is hard when you know that someone is not in the best condition. He takes medicine, eats right and exercises. He tries to stay healthy and I appretiate him for that. I just wish it werent so easy for hime to get sick.

The day is almost over. I havent had much difficulty today. Sorrow filled my belly today. I'll blog and weigh again tomorrow.

day:1
weight:245

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