Blog: Cleanse My Bulimic little Secret
by mariposa azul

In trying times...

accountability is everything

Date:   2/3/2009 2:38:01 PM   ( 13 y ) ... viewed 2885 times

The past couple of days have been a little difficult around here. Dealing with an aging Mom is never easy...and to boot I was involved in a car accident. Priority, my child and I were okay...just dealing with the aftermath was a bit trying. Just hard because I at the end just wanted some food comfort! I found myself craving gummie candy of all things.
So all afternoon just kept thinking about biting into that ten at night, I thought, what the hell. Just going for it! Two bags later(not huge bags, but yes. two!)
and I had no desire to purge them.
Thank God!
Normally when I am trying to lose weight (which is always)if I give in and have something I am not supposed to...that begins a cycle of just "what the hell" if I ate this crap I might as well eat the whole house, purge then I will really stop this time.

Last night was so different & I recognize it and feel good about it.
The fact that my mind recognizes that hey, it's okay to have something to eat that's full of carbs, sugars or whatever...and not begin a cycle of a binge/purge, great!
The fact that I did not use what was happening at home as an excuse to binge/purge, great!
The fact that I woke up this morning and I did not feel as if I failed, great!
The fact that I know I can eat something I hadn't planned on and I don't feel bad about it, great!
That today I woke up and continued on my good eating plan, great! I feel good.
Kinda feels like when you study for an exam. Not sure if you are prepared enough & when it comes time to take the pass with flying colors!

When I first ran across this website over a year ago...I felt good reading & learning from different posts & blogs...that's recently when I thought if I ever blog it will be only with the intent to do well. to hold myself accountable. to not continue living with my past, but create a new healthy way of being for myself. I hold myself accountable.

I am not an active participant in my religious faith even though I am working on it.
Here is a little prayer that I found that filled me with a sense of peace:
"May I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be well.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy."

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Comments (15 of 30):
Re: Love Fast Anyo… marip… 11 y
Re: Love Fast Anyo… miata… 11 y
Re: Love Fast Anyo… marip… 11 y
Re: Love Fast Anyo… miata… 11 y
Re: Hoping for ano… geni1 12 y
Re: I live for tod… marip… 13 y
Re: I live for tod… geni1 13 y
Re: owning my eati… geni1 13 y
Re: owning my eati… marip… 13 y
Re: owning my eati… geni1 13 y
Re: owning my eati… marip… 13 y
Re: owning my eati… geni1 13 y
Re: start/stop...s… marip… 13 y
Re: start/stop...s… littl… 13 y
Re: start/stop...s… luvjo… 13 y
All Comments (30)

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In trying times...  13 y
Remembering Dark Days  13 y
Pushing Through  13 y
Holding on  13 y
Keepin' On  13 y
Trust myself  13 y
How time flies  13 y
What tomorrow brings  13 y
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A cleanse to a new way of life  13 y
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