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What You Really Want!
The power of desire, of expressing wants and of feeling validated.
Date: 2/29/2008 1:00:45 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2010 times Greetings again Truth Lovers!
Very shortly after my last blog entry I was given notice to leave where I have been living this past year. (This occurred a few days after I returned from the hospital for the appendix surgery) At that moment of the notice I was aware of some disbelief that I could actually be getting the notice! Nevertheless, I did completely accept it. I knew the truth of it, that I had originally given "notice" a few months earlier and then was slowly building a friendship with a couple who had briefly mentioned they were open to having me live with them. So when I received the more recent notice it positively motivated me to more actively pursue the possibility with my new friends. That resulted in a trial-run at my friends' that then ended two weeks later with us agreeing that it wasn't the time for me to move there. Weeks had transpired and the clock was still ticking regarding my move out date (March 1).
Then I not only didn't have a place to move to I didn't have any other known options, as I was concentrating on just that one. Suddenly I realized I could be moving out from where I live with no place to go ... and then the idea of being on the streets scared me! Fortunately in the next moment I quickly accepted the possibility of not having a place to move to and thought that it could be a good time to travel! So for the last couple weeks I have been looking into traveling to a couple locations to visit friends and family whom I haven't seen in over eight years! This has been good for me to pursue and it was looking like a possibility except that my invites to visit weren't dove-tailing as I wanted them to! Also I was wanting rides to my destinations since I have giving-up "driving". (Anyone who has read my earliest blogs know what I am taking about.) The rides have not been "showing up". In the meanwhile, when given the opportunity I began telling the truth about what I really want to be doing with my life now!
I can not emphasize too strongly how important this is! Especially for Me! Although I have lived most of my life with wonderful interests, attractions and then with visions (oh god the visions!) my upbringing and training was nearly void of allowing me my own self-expression of what I wanted! It seemed to me that what I wanted had been downplayed enough that I adopted a self-suppression on expressing my wants. I wasn't totally "crippled" in that regards but let's say somewhat arthritic! Anyway I tended to give in to what others wanted largely through my 30s. After those years expressing my wants began emerging in a larger way. I felt I had more of my life as a result and I liked that (as opposed to pleasing someone else). I began discovering that there's a power in desire that is multiplied when expressed! It began to be awesome for me! (I didn't completely come out with all my wants at once.) I can see expressing my wants as somewhat cyclic in their development. And the present cycle is getting pretty awesome! (I may elaborate on this later.)
Now I have significant validation on my wants regarding my life in the present, what I really want to do with my life from now on! Surely that's worth expressing! The "validation" is felt! It is my own feelings that are more fully acknowledged by myself! In this present case the feelings are wonderful!
I may want to continue this as I can.
cheers!
Chef
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