I realized in my efforts to clean myself, by b2reflect Blog entry

Blog: Finding my way to myself...
by b2reflect

I realized in my efforts to clean myself,

I am coming Home to Me

Date: 11/8/2007 6:55:34 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 2476 times

I forgot to back off from others. What I mean about this is I allowed myself to get involved into something that is not useful in my cleansing myself.

I allowed my energy to enter into another's chaos. As well, it took a toll on my psyche. Then today I followed up on it, to a degree. As I was reading all the opinions and 'truths' and defenses of others, I could FEEL myself be sucked into the chaos. I could FEEL myself get tense and possibly the tension or bitterness or pure disdain that the poster (EDIT: not any one specific poster, from all that I read) was feeling for the other posters. (Sigh) I just released it.

I cannot take on healing myself and allowing other negative energies to enter into my being. I have been told I am empathic. I have resisted this and yet too many times in the past couple weeks, it has come forth to prove itself in me. I am not certain if I find joy in this discovery, yet it is apparently who I am. So, whether there is joy or not, I must accept Me in every facet of Myself. This may sound jumbled and I accept that, because it is flowing from a place to be let go of. I am writing to release what I need to. If you are reading and see this as nonsense, so be it. It is mine.

I have not been doing my cleanse/fast/healing that I initially planned this week. Although, I have been taking the supplements, so while I am not eating (or in this case, abstaining from eating) as planned, I am getting some of the benefits.

I have realized in the past day or so, (just from the full force of what I am allowing into my life) that I am searching outside of me. I know how to go within. I have continued to fight against going within. I know it is due to being frightened of seeing the Truth, that I have pushed from myself time and again.

I have a friend who has told me that I keep searching from others because I choose to hide my Power. I am a healer. WOW~! OH WOW! I have not truly ever acknowledged that statement. It has frightened me much of recent. Yet, it is who I am. It is who I desire to become. It is my time to accept and receive this fully.

I am writing because I have to put these in words and not have someone judge me. My friends are there. Except I do not feel comfortable in telling them what I just wrote. Although, today I realized I do have a very good friend who is willing to accept me as I am. I told her about an experience and she asked about me being empathic, I said yes. She accepted it...no bars hold. She accepted Me. Now it is time for me to accept Me.

In my TaiChi-ChiKung class, I feel so much energy flowing through me and I had fought against it, not anymore. The class begins again tomorrow. I begin again tomorrow to truly intregate what I am learning and how it helps me to Heal Myself. Within a week, I will also do some sort of cleanse to Heal my body, as well. Yet this class, I learn how to heal my body and mind, as one. I know I am interconnected with God and He can heal me also. So, with His assistance and my teacher and myself, I will come back to Me.

I saw this quote yesterday. I do not know who to give credit to. I like it and I think it will be one of my mantras. I am sure we all could benefit from remembering this.

"~Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of
battle~"

Peace to all and through all,
Beth