Learning to Meditate 17 y
A flyer on the bulletin board read, learn to meditate, break through all barriers. I was
going, there was no question, a picture of buddha, with his blissed out expression on his
face brought chills to my spine.
I had always thought about meditation, almost in a sub-conscious fashion, but never had really tried, or new how to do it. The closest thing would have been practicing yoga on occasion, or working out at high intesity and feeling a letting go of mind and worries in this intense atmosphere.
I was exited about the class and had no idea what to expect. When I first walked in and met the teacher Sunyata, I was full of judgements. I was critical of every move, her clothes, how she talked, everything. But still,there was something that really drew me towards her, something that I co ... read more
Searching for a New Identity 17 y
Finding yourself in a world of information.
An abundance of things to become, or people to be.
What do you choose to identify with? What attracts? What repulses?
Once you realize that everything you are, or have been is just a dream, and usually someone elses dream, life can get really confusing. You still have to do the laundry, eat, drink to stay alive, and interact with others who have been created, conditioned, mechanized into movement by outsides sources with all but altruistic intent.
We have lost touch with our Self. But who are we? How does one act in this world?
Searching for a new identity wasn’t as easy as buying a new suit. Well, if I could erase everything instantly that had to do with my old identidy and upload everything I want ... read more
Falling away of barriers and old identificatione 17 y
When who you have identified with is no longer, you have to search for a new way to see yourself, to create yourself anew.
It was difficult for me to be in an environment where I was no longer the athlete, the guy on the team, the football player. My identity was shaken, I felt deep depression and despair. The way people treated me was different, my whole environment was different, I felt accutely aware that how people treated me previously had nothing to do with who or what I was, and everything to do with who they thought I was. It image that I had created or that had been created of me.
I no longer had this image and things were really stirred up in my life. So I drank, I smoked weed, I lusted after wo ... read more
Socially acceptalbe Violence & Abuse (the sports years) 17 y
How I played sports to prove my masculinity in this "Power Hungry/Aggresive" Society, and came to realize the stupidity of these endeavors
It seems what kept me from being totally socially introverted was athletics. I was very athletically inclined, in the early years there was soccer. I always just had fun and was never really into the hard-core competition.
Then it was try-outs, oh the stress, but I made it, lucky me. I played basketball through the late elementary school, and junior high and high school years, but high school brought a new sport, football.
I initially played football once in pop-warner, pressured into it by some neighborhood kids who were playing, I begged my parents to let me play so I could PROVE ... read more
Where it all began... 17 y
The Early Years....
When I look back, it seems to have began very early. Even before I could walk, or so I am told, I would defy my parents, do things repeatedly that I was told not to. My sister was such a sweet child I was told, I was a hellraiser, or that’s how they saw it. My will was strong from a young age, no doubt, but there was something more. I didn’t feel like the other kids at school, or think like them, my mind’s attention was from a very young age, focused inwards.
I can remember sitting atop the slide on the playground in elementary school, watching all the other little boys chase girls a ... read more
A Journey of a Thousand Miles.... 17 y
This is the beginning of a journey I wish to share. A journey into higher consciousness and the experiences on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energetic levels that I go through and the changes and realizations that go along with it.
And so it began.....
I walked out the office leaving only a note at my desk. The founder of the company, and my manager were right around the corner. What did I care, I did not want to talk to them, to hear their questions, see the look in their eyes. I was not angry, or upset, I was just done, I was leaving. I was a free man, and free men can walk away in a free country and that is just what I did, walk away.
This was the end of an old life, and a stepping into, a birth of a new life a new being long awaiting to stretch out its wings from time spent in the chrysalis.