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Later. . . 14 y
spell is broken for today
After almost 4 weeks of a slow and deadly decline perhaps the spell is breaking.
Went to a womens meeting, shared today’s panic attack. Committed to go snowshoeing tonight. Alone. Full moon. Open my heart to God. Praying for light to shine through me.
30 minute jaunt. Beautiful full moon. Branches crackling. Wind howled. Snow crunching. Wish I could remember this long enough to pursue it further, more regularly.
Feel better. Feel hope. Suicidal tendencies have passed for today.
Phew. visit the page Almost 2 years. 14 y
walk
It’s been almost 2 years. No matter where I go, there I am. I am hyperventilating as I sought out my old blogs. Was sober. Drank. Hurt all I loved. Divorced. Sober again now 1 year. Still undisciplined but now no one around to mirror in how many ways I just am not enough for this life. Moved away. Came back. Worst case scenario in so many ways.
Change. Change now. Change forever.
Do I believe I can? No.
Do I want to? No.
Do I need to? Yes.
It’s a life for those who ’want’ it not those who ’need’ it. I’m out then.
Parked in front of a TV for months now. W ... read more Been a long time. 16 y
Fail to plan, plan to fail.
I've been away for 8 months. Not much has gotten better. No plan, what do I expect? Let's go. visit the page Day 27 of 92 16 y
Breathe. Let it all pass through.
It's almost 6am and I'm ready to run out the door. I've got a fresh OJ/frozen blueberry smoothie for breakfast, an awesome salad for lunch and raw nuts for a snack. I'm off for a second interview... read more Day 26 of 92 16 y
Keep digging for strength and the truth.
Well, back on my feet. Just dropped out for two full weeks. Pretty typical of my habit patterns. Two weeks on, two weeks off. Honesty. I could've just logged in and lied each day. Now that wo... read more Days 12-16 16 y
whatever
I'm still breathing. Was still going strong until day 13. Relapsed and continued the slide. I have given in to the default thinking that I can't do this, that it doesn't matter if I do this, and... read more Day 9,10,11 of 92 16 y
Recovering.
Life has not been as hopeful these past three days since I have not blogged. I took for granted the hope journaling brings to my day. Good lesson. Sunday I made guacamole and salsa - very, very ... read more Day 8 of 92 16 y
Slow and steady wins the race?
Day 8. I feel overall really positive. When I would first wake up in the morning, just a week ago, I would feel like death. I'm not exagerrating. I would feel the pains in my body, the overall ... read more Day 7 of 92 16 y
Exhausted resignation. Nice husband who rubs my shoulders. Thanks, honey.
http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/Kids/tn-tn_supermanreturns_bigteaser.jpg
Today was a smashing success in the raw vegan department! I ate 2 bananas for breakfast with some Tahitian Noni Juice, ha... read more Day 7 of 92 16 y
Exhausted resignation. Nice husband who rubs my shoulders. Thanks, honey.
http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/Kids/tn-tn_supermanreturns_bigteaser.jpg
Today was a smashing success in the raw vegan department! I ate 2 bananas for breakfast with some Tahitian Noni Juice, ha... read more Day 6 of 92 16 y
What a day! If I were dead, I would never have known one more step forward that I am capable of taking.
http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/Kids/tn-tn_supermanreturns_bigteaser.jpg
Thanks for the above image! I love it! I cut and pasted it to put into this new message. So, thanks again whoever you... read more Day 4 & 5 of 92 16 y
Apocolypse in my work life, responsibility to take care of myself still stands.
Yikes - I barely made it through the past 48 hours, truly. First, let me say I did not pick up any solid food to eat that was not raw vegan. I did drink two V8s on Monday and last night I had con... read more DAy 3 of 92 16 y
Day 3 of 92.
It's day 3 and I'm surprised at how quickly days one and two went by (in hindsight, of course). Where to begin?
Yesterday I shopped for the food for the recipes, sat in the hot tub for an hour ... read more Day 2 of 92 16 y
Feel like a blob physically. Great recipe for dinner. Bikram yoga tonight.
Day one went very, very well. Ate only raw, vegan food as planned. I am soaking wheat berries to plant grass and to make Rejuvelac. It sounds nasty, but who am I to complain? I used to drink te... read more Day 1 of 92 16 y
Life as it is. Making changes with what is.
I did not do anything yesterday, my pre-event day, that I had planned. It started when I intended to drink water and eat an apple as I had blogged. I logged off and I mechanically went about my m... read more h-17, m-45 16 y
To do list for cleanse, thoughts arising as I approach the challenge.
Woke to lovely nightmares again. Last night's enchantment was watching a newscast and the anchor covering a story on two celebrities who suffered strokes, one partially paralyzed. The key to reco... read more D-1, H-2˝ - Getting ready. 16 y
thoughts in preparing for beginning of challenge
Got the blog set up. Never blogged before, not so hard afterall. Already my heart is pounding. Can I do it? - my inner voice asks. All the words of wisdom I've ever heard come back - one breath... read more |