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Day 27 of 92
Breathe. Let it all pass through.
Date: 4/3/2008 5:08:14 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2489 times It's almost 6am and I'm ready to run out the door. I've got a fresh OJ/frozen blueberry smoothie for breakfast, an awesome salad for lunch and raw nuts for a snack. I'm off for a second interview for an apprenticeship position in Information Technology. My 'bastards' are screaming at their loudest that my husband is not good enough, I'm not good enough. I'm pissed that my son is dead. So I cry. I've perfected the technique where the tears get reabsorbed. Not healthy, I think.
So, all I can do is bring my breath back into my Hara and it's just Mu. With each breath, "Mu". ("Surrender, Dorothy".) No need to hang on to the anger, just let it pass through. It does not have to get caught in me and swirl around, it doesn't have to 'not exist'. It just needs to pass through. It is, I am, what is - IS. Just let it all pass through.
The Siamese cat I have cries incessantly, constantly. Whether I pick her up, put her down, feed her, let her out, let her in. She cries. She lost her sister 10 months ago. We cry alot here. She sits on my lap when I meditate. It calms her. For a bit. Then, 30 minutes later, She gets up. Then the crying starts. I play with her, I snuggle with her, I talk to her, I leave her be. She cries. I identify with her. I let it pass through. She cries. I let it pass through. I cry. I let it pass through. My husband demands my attention, my nurturing without words. I let it pass through. I feel his neediness through my skin. I let it pass through. I feel my anger inside of me, outside of me, in every person I meet. I let it pass through.
My interview is in 2 hours. I will not fall over myself to please. I will breath into my Hara and exhale compassion and kindness. I am not needy, I am not desperate. I have studied for this position for two weesks. I have the knowledge they seek. Breath and it will surface. Let it all pass through. The fake comfort my body screams that animal and processed foods will deliver to me - I let it pass through. All expectations of me, all perceived failures up until this very moment - let it pass through. I have prepared for my day. My food is prepared, the nutrient values computed (thanks to the internet), I have all I need today. The rest can pass through.
With light, with love, with compassion -
Let it all pass through: the 'good', the 'bad', all of it.
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