CureZone
  All Blogs
    Extreme Change: Raw Food - 3 month challenge.

Blog: Extreme Change: Raw Food - 3 month challenge.
by #94544

199 blog entries; 17 entries per page; 1 pages; viewed 265,361 times
Description   |   Rules   |   Disclaimer

ADVERTISEMENTS
 
Medianet Ads



ADVERTISEMENTS
 

Liver Cleanse
Hulda Clark Liver Cleanse

Day 26 of 92

Keep digging for strength and the truth.

Date:   4/2/2008 11:27:30 AM   ( 6 y ) ... viewed 893 times

Well, back on my feet. Just dropped out for two full weeks. Pretty typical of my habit patterns. Two weeks on, two weeks off. Honesty. I could've just logged in and lied each day. Now that would be a true bit of %¤#&!§-, now wouldn't it? I see now that if I logged in and just told it like it was, I may not have had to dropped my dream for two full weeks. I could maybe shorten the time with honesty and willingness. Being perfect is %¤#&!§-- I have yet to meet someone who was. So why the standard in my own mind for myself?

I am back where I started, it feels like. Trying to figure out how to just do this thing called my life. I know how my body operates and I know what I can and cannot eat to function, know my family history for cancer and self-destruction. I am here for me and I refuse to give up. I fall, and it's neither pretty nor inspirational when I do. I am here for me and it is me that I need to save.

What to do differently? Morning blogs. That sets the tone for the day. Daily check list of what needs to get done. Minimum daily 'to do' list. Reading other blogs of people who are in the same boat and actually begin a stream of communication with them - invite them into my life. Stats - numbers are always inspirational, tracking change is crucial as my perception of me needs proof that I've changed in order to change my perception of myself. I've got a 30-day self improvement CD program. Popping it in during my commute each day would push me forward, help remind my brain the direction I am going in. Sleep and lots of it. No more, but no less than 9 hours in bed each night. Detox kicks ass and I need to treat myself with care.

None of this is dependent on whether or not I get feedback, on whether or not my husband and step-kids join me, on whether or not they support me, or on whether or not anyone I know approves of this. This is also not dependent on how I feel. I feel like shit but can act in faith.

There are certain things I cannot do, like join friends out at a buffet or go to dinner with my family outside of the home. Why would I put myself in harm's way when I am trying to heal myself and my thinking? If I am not this careful how will I ever get my feet under me and succeed? I have to be careful not to share what I'm doing with carnivores. Talk about a wave of shit. I've had people say 'all things in moderation'. All-rightee-then. But, a charred steak in moderation is still a charred steak. A teaspoon of poison is still poison, even if I'm not taking the whole bottle.

I bought a small refrigerator on my very last shopping excursion with my son before he died. I am going to use it exclusively for me and my food. That was its intended purpose anyway. We currently use it in the garage for soda. Big, big red light there.

I am scared to live. So much has been swept away by death in my family. Two brothers and a father in three years, another brother six years later and now my only son. All within 19 years. I'm going to be 44 years old. I have been trying to live my life in a state of perpetual numbness. A sort of movie-like trance. I've been clean and sober since I learned of my pregnancy. I hate the 12-steppers at this time in my life. The ones I thought were my friends abandoned me when my son died with %¤#&!§-like "God has a plan." f*** you, your God, and your God's plan. Trying living it and then tell me all about the 'grand scheme' of things. It just doesn't fly. The universe can be random and unpredictable and it's doesn't f***ing much care about me or whos it takes out on any personal level. There is no rhyme or reason. It is now down to cause and effect. I either take care of my body to help increase my chances of living or I don't. I can't very well eat a donut, a coffee and all the meat and cheese I want and profess that God has a plan and that when my time comes it will come. Or, that God' loves me and he must know best. I've heard people actually say in meetings that God will take care of her and that it doesn't much matter what she does because God is in charge. OMG. Now, THAT'S insanity.

So, all I can do is MY best. Take all the right action I can in a day and let the results go. I cannot say that I will live to be 96 if I never eat meat again. I can say that with each bite I take that is raw vegan that I am taking in the most live food and most nutritionally accessible food for my body and it only makes sense that my body can function best on the most advantageous bite I give it. No God, no mystical "I'm loved by God" crap. I love me. Bottom line. I love me. People in AA did not love me until I could love myself. I was told that I needed to get off the pity-pot when I shared in meetings how I was devastated by losing my boy, how I felt abandoned by God, how life just did not make sense. Some did say that I needed to ignore people who were harsh and 'keep coming back'. The vast majority shares about God's love, God's plan, letting God in my life. Oooh, baby. Listening to that is like saying Santa exists and if I'm good - Santa will come. I go to one to two meetings a month. I stopped going completely for a year and a half. I must admit that I went back because I was just plain lonely. But going back to to hear the words of people stuck in their tunnel vision and my listening with sane and critical thinking has helped me to understand how important it is that I love myself first and let the God crap go. I have yet to hear someone that I can relate to. I have yet to find someone who is not overweight or gray-skinned, someone who is not addicted to either food, caffeine or cigarettes. I have yet to find an vegan athlete and is not addicted to the AA jargon. Someone who is not afraid to let go of the 'God' factor and just be strong and live through their own choices. What I do hear is "I don't know how to live so I come here" and "My best thinking got me here". Shit. Sounds like they're spinning in circles. This is after decades of sobriety. I'd like to think that living in a very rural section of the utmost northern United STates is why these people are like this. I'd like to think that maybe not everyone in AA is an %¤#&!§-.

My best thinking keeps searching for the next right thing to do, the next right guideline by which to live, the next right way to eat. I want to up my chances of survival, not continually tell myself that I cannot be trusted.

More later tonight.


Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites!

Printer-friendly version of this page
Email this message to a friend
Bookmark this page/Add to Favorites or press Ctrl+D
DISCLAIMER / WARNING   Alert Webmaster



Share:  Facebook  MySpace  Digg  Reddit  StumbleUpon  Furl this page  Delicious  BlinkList  dzone  Simpy.com  Fark.com  BlogMarks  Wists.com  Google

Add This Blog To Your CureZone Favorites!
 
Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites!

Comments (24 of 55):
Re: All but 3 from… ren 26 mon
Re: lots of dreams Marigo… 26 mon
Re: lots of dreams Karlin 26 mon
Re: Glad to be bac… Marig… 27 mon
Re: Glad to be bac… ren 27 mon
Re: Week 4 complet… ren 3 y
Re: just did a min… shree… 4 y
Re: crap day, lite… ren 4 y
Re: Since June 22 AznHiso… 4 y
Edited huldaklark 4 y
Re: Keep falling, … Littl… 4 y
Re: day 2, dinner maripos… 4 y
Re: Day 14, ten af… ren 4 y
Re: compassion rudenski 4 y
Re: Ten Affirmatio… ren 4 y
Re: Day 2, ten aff… Marig… 4 y
Re: Day 2, ten aff… ren 4 y
Re: Kicked Marigolden 4 y
Re: Kicked ren 4 y
Re: Faith leads to… ren 4 y
Re: Almost 2 years. Marig… 4 y
Re: Almost 2 years. #6729… 4 y
Re: D-1, H-2½ - Ge… #9584… 6 y
You are doing GREA… truli… 6 y
All Comments (55)

Blog Entries (12 of 199):
Day 26 of 92  6 y
Days 12-16  6 y
Day 9,10,11 of 92  6 y
Day 8 of 92  6 y
Day 7 of 92  6 y
Day 7 of 92  6 y
Day 6 of 92  6 y
Day 4 & 5 of 92  6 y
DAy 3 of 92  6 y
Day 2 of 92  6 y
Day 1 of 92  6 y
h-17, m-45  6 y
All Entries (199)

Similar Blogs (10 of 185):
Cheeta: Cultural He…  by Chef JeM  83 min
Son of Truth of Self  by Chef JeM  39 h
ABCs of Conscious E…  by luckman  4 d
Water Fast  by firsttimewaterfaster  5 d
Healthy Sexual Life  by EleS  8 d
Eye Openers  by Eye Openers  10 d
Dreaming a New Real…  by lfire  14 d
Alkaline Water Theo…  by Destinycurez  14 d
Day 1 of ??  by blackrabbit85  15 d
Stage IV Kidney Can…  by Stillhere  16 d
All Blogs (1,019)


High Blood Pressure?
3 easy exercises drop blood pressure below 120/80 as soon as today


Eliminate Herpes
Information on the revolutionary Dynamiclear Combat Kit - External & Inter...


Liver Cleanse
Hulda Clark Liver Cleanse

Back To Top

Selected Ads from CureZone Sponsors: Become a Sponsor

VIP

3Best Iodine Supplements
Dr Group Analyzes the 3 Best Kinds! Lugols, Potassium, & Nascent Iod...
Eliminate Herpes
Information on the revolutionary Dynamiclear Combat Kit - External & Interna...
Heal Type 2 Diabetes
Simple, 3-step natural approach heals diabetes within a month. No side e...
 
 

PLAT

Iodine Supports Thyroid Health
#1 Rated Iodine Supplement! 180-Day Money Back Guarantee. Free...
Clarkia Parasites Cleanse
Free Shipping on orders over $29
Free Book by Dr. Clark!
Bestselling author Dr. Hulda Clark claims to have cured cancer
 
 

GOLD

Alkaline Water Benefits?
Can you get health benefits from drinking alkaline ionized water? Wh...
Proven Candida Diet
The Only Legitimate Diet for Treating Candida in 30 Days
Utopia Silver Supplements
Colloidal Silver Testimonials. Read comments and opinions by users ...
Proven Parasite Diet
The Only Legitimate Diet for Destroying Parasites in 30 Days or Less
 
 

GOLD

The Famous Master Cleanse
For the first time ever, we have created the complete master cleans...
Alkaline Ionized Water
Are there health benefits? What are people reporting?
Aches and Pains?
My Back Pain is Gone!
Natural Cancer Remedies
 
 

SILVER

Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.
Best Candida Treatment
Ccws™ Works Fast To Get Rid Of Candida.Feel Healthy.Money Back Guarant...
The Tesla Shield™
Transformational Technology For Mind Body And Soul.
Oasis Advanced Wellness
Premium natural health supplements including intraMAX superior organi...
 
 
Back To Top How many people click on the sponsord links? Become a Sponsor



 


Guest Book - Liver Flush FAQ - News - Link Exchange - Add URL - How To Exchange Links? - About Global Directory

Terms of Service - Privacy Policy - Spam Policy - Disclaimer - Guidelines & Rules - Forum Trolls - Fair use notice

Staff's pages:  Owen - Wrenn - Maya


CureZone Newsletter is distributed in partnership with www.netatlantic.com


Contact Us - About - Donors - Stats



Copyright 2014  curezone.org


fetched in 0.27 sec at 7/24/2014 8:33:56 PM, requested by 54.225.18.187, referred by http://curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=1146016 , requested 1 pages during this session, y=2