Re: to soulfulsurvivor

Veryconcernedmother - is he beating on you, yet? There are International resources available for abused women. This is the challenge, however: if you are planning on leaving him and taking your children, you must not tell him OR the children. No matter HOW horrible things get, do not threaten to leave with your children - this will give his warped mind an excuse to put you into hospital or take your life, outright. In some Nations, like Brazil, it is acceptable for a husband to kill his wife over such an issue. Regardless of why he chooses to abuse you and your children, his issues are NOT your problem - the safety of your Self and your children IS.

Please, find the links below and begin a WRITTEN log (not on a computer, not on a blackberry, not on any technological device) of dates, times, and the abuses that he is committing, whether they are verbal, sexual, physical, financial, spiritual, or emotional. Keep your running log secret and objective and completely honest (brutally so) using exact quotes, precise details, and keep all emotion OUT of the text - this is just a documented history of what is (has) taking place. Save the emotional venting for a counselor. The links will explain the TYPES of abuse that people commit against others, and how to get the heck OUT.

When you are prepared to leave, pack ONLY those things that are absolutely necessary: your Social Security card, driver's license, marriage license, passport, your children's documents, and a few changes of clothing for EACH of you. Only a couple of toys per child - you will have to sacrifice in order to secure your safety and this is the price that we must pay for choosing a bad partner. I didn't have to seek a shelter, but I sure found myself homeless and that was the wage that I earned for my own stupidity.

Again, tell NObody - not friends, not relatives (unless you know that they will support you 100% and be of help, NOT ridicule you), not anyone. The most dangerous time of all is leaving the abuser - a while back, one of the women that my husband worked with was attempting to leave her abusive boyfriend. The man found her at home while she was preparing to meet her son at his bus stop after school. He waited for her inside until she came back, and ended up shooting her in the back with a shotgun. Because she didn't die immediately, he went up to her while she was bleeding on the floor, and shot her face off and then turned the gun on himself.

Please, use caution and recognize that there is NO healing this relationship. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ABUSE, no matter what he says to you. Your life and those of your precious children are in dire danger. Through counseling (available through the shelters and social services AT NO COST), you will understand why you chose a bad partner - and, please, do not let guilt creep into this situation! We have all, each and every one of us, chosen a bad partner at some point in our lives. Some of us were able to get rid of them in a timely manner, others of us (me included) ended up marrying them and producing children with them. You and your children will Survive this if you choose to take the necessary steps. I cannot tell you what to do, or when to do it, but I believe that you know exactly what you need to do to get your Self and children to safety.

Here are the links:
Women's shelters and resources info

http://www.angelfire.com/de/webgrrlchris/everywoman.html


http://www.gahtan.com/cdnlaw/Topical_Index/Violence/


http://www.usembassyguide.com/canada.html


http://www.canadiancontent.net/dir/Top/Society/Crime/Domestic_Violence/


All of these links should be able to point you toward SOME resources to help you, particularly the US Embassy.

I would urge you to get the heck out with all possible haste. And, pity this man's ex-wife. What you're enduring is just a tip of her iceberg of terror with that man.

Best wishes and God's blessings.