Re: Child emotional physical and suspecting sexual abuse. Please offer advice. Warning..Long story..

Bless you for being a part of the kids' lives! By showing them you care, you have given them a safe place to fall, which certainly they don't have at home.

Let them know that they can confide in you, no matter the subject. Tell them (especially the girl, given the possible sexual abuse)that you won't judge them and whatever the problem, together you will talk it through, then come to a solution.

Having had a mother who was an alcoholic and was emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusive and a father who allowed her to treat us that way because he didn't want her yelling at him--I can offer my perspective on this situation. Many times, as a child, I so wanted to tell someone what was happening at home, all the while fantasizing that it could be made better. Yet at the same time, I didn't want to tell anyone because 1) I was embarassed; and 2) I knew once it got back to my mother, I would get screamed at and accused of putting the adult up to this. I think it may well be this way for these 2 kids. Let them know that should their mother act that way, you will stand up for them and tell her that you are acting on your own.

I can't stress enough that you are making a difference in these kids' lives. From my own experience, it was always comforting to know that there were some people that I could talk to. To this day, I am grateful that they were there. I grew up in the 60s when the attitudes toward child abuse went something like this--as long as the kids didn't have any broken bones, then everything was alright. Thank goodness we've evolved from that!

When you're with the kids, take the time to teach them what may be lacking. I don't know?--good manners? what's right and what's wrong? Believe me, once they're adults they will thank you. Recently I got in touch with a high school teacher who made a big difference in my life. She took the time to hear me out regarding my home situation and gave me good advice. I wrote her a letter and told her just how much of a difference she made.

Lastly, if you can't adopt them, would you consider fostering them?