I have a long time friend of 12 years. She has 4 kids. The older two are a boy, currently age 13 and a girl, age 12. The two kids got taken away from their mother twice. She was a great friend, but a poor mother. The first time it was because the house was dirty. Both of these children are from different fathers. The kids were wild. They wouldn't stand still for a second, got into everything and tore things up like tornadoes. I wouldn't have the kids over because they were so out of control and she did nothing to stop them or watch them.

Then she met a new man who seemed great at first. However he soon showed signs of being controlling, saying things like, "Do what you want. I'm not your boss!", or snapping, "What do you want?" when she said she loved him..Or going silent when she asked for favors or to visit me. Then once I could hear him screaming at her through her phone when she was out with me. She'd get off the phone and say like a hurt child, "I'm in trouble." She had two more kids by him. By this time the first two have gotten older and spent quite a bit of time in foster care. I also think having spent time in school helped them adapt socially. They turned into very sweet older children. However, the younger two are the same monsters the older two used to be.

One day, the step-father grabbed the older girl by the arm and carried her out the door by the arm. He left a bruise on her arm in the shape of his hand and when asked in school what happened, she admitted what happened and Children's Services came over and took the kids again and charged them with pysical abuse and they lost 3 of the 4 kids for a while and had to go to counceling. She was pregnant with the 4th child at the time. They also had to pay child support. The step-father almost went to jail for it, but escaped it by saying it was an emergency. They were going to the hospital because the baby was sick and the father was just worried & in a hurry.

They got the kids back a year or so later. After that the step-father hated the older kids and blamed them for everything. He wanted to send the boy away to camp. He didn't like him the most. My friend's desire to retain this man's love made her side with him against her two older children. She wants rid of the boy too.

She also blamed the daughter for making them lose custody of one of the younger boys(the step-fahter's precious kid). She can't stand the older boy because he won't behave and do as he is told and hides in his room when she yells for him--even though he seems to act like an angel from my point of view--as does the older daughter. I told her she can just give the older kids up, and she said she would, but she'd have to pay that d*mn child support again! And they don't have that kind of money. The boy always says nice things about his mom, trying to appease her, but she rebutes with insults. He went up to hug her one day and she said, "What do you want?" It reminded me of the way her husband treats her. She blames the two older children for having their bad behavior rub off on the younger kids. "They wouldn't curse if it weren't for the older kids", she insists. But my friend curses constantly. She says they only learn to climb the cupboards and get into things from the older kids and it's their fault for misbehaving and causing the two smaller children to go wild. But it's simply not true. She lets her four year old punch the older boy as much as he wants while she stands just a few feet away, seemingly oblivious. I've watched it for 10 minutes straight and the older boy just sat there trying to block the hits. When he finally hit back, his mother blew up. Why are you hitting him?

My friend tells me the older kids are just behaved when I'm over, but we talk on the phone every day and she screams at them constantly..."Why aren't you doing the dishes! Get a diaper and change the babies diaper! Get them down from there! Your father is coming home!" etc....constantly. She sits on the couch and screams, "Why don't you kids help me? I can't do all of this on my own?" She would rather talk on the phone, watch tv or go outside and smoke a cigarette to escape motherhood. I've tried to give the kids some happiness by offering to take them to the movies. I made the mistake of telling her in advance and I found out a week later she used me as a pawn to get them to behave that week. Saying I wouldn't like them anymore if they didn't behave for her and wouldn't take them anywhere. I heard her saying it to them while we were on the phone and then she said proudly admitted she got them to behave all week by telling them that. I was sickened. She then said, "I hope you don't mind."

She asked me if I was still interested in taking her son and her daughter jumped close to the phone and pleaded, "If you don't want my brother, you can adopt me..Pleeeaaassee!" Her mother got upset and said, "I see how it is!"

The older daughter raises the two younger children. She changes all the diapers, does all the dishes, cleans the floors, keeps the kids out of trouble and rarely gets thanked for it, but usually cursed. She is Cinderella without the Fairy God Mother to rescue her. Her only hope of escaping is probably me because I am the only family friend who knows what their home life is like and there are no relatives they keep in contact with. She is beautiful and sweet. She always makes me little gifts and gives them to me when I come over. She always wants to spend time with me and sits hip-to-hip with me when I come over. It doesn't last long because her mother yells for her to do something and she jumps up and reluctantly does it. Then she'll pop back over next to me until about a minute later when her mother orders her up again. She's a miracle...like an angel sent from heaven. My friend said I can take the boy, because he's just a trouble maker, but I cannot have the older daughter because she doesn't want to lose her full-time babysitter. She says "I cannot handle the two smaller kids on my own."

She called me one time, very upset and said the daughter claimed the step-father flashed her his penis. He flashes his privates to my friend(the mother) while on the phone with my her a lot. She brags about it to me. One time he did it in front of me, hoping I would look and be interested too. She claims he has a crush on me. My friend was very irate over her daughter's confession. She was yelling at the daughter while I was on the phone. Saying it was her fault they got into all that trouble the last time, lost the kids and the step-father almost went to jail. She went on about the counceling, child support and all the embarrassment they endured because of her "lies". Now the daughter was trying to mess things up again. My friend was astranged from her own mother and all of the family was out of state. How would they get by financially if the step-father decided to leave?...she yelled at her with me on the phone. "She's doing it again! Children Services won't give my kids back if I lose them one more time." She pleaded her case to me as if she needed my confirmation.

Lately she's been getting upset because her husband sleeps on the couch, which is steps away from the older daughter's bedroom door. He doesn't want to get into bed with the mother and all the other rooms are on the other side of the house. The daughters is alone along side the living room. I can't prove anything here, but I think he is molesting her.

I've asked my family and they tell me to stay out of it. If I involve myself in other people's problems, it's going to bring a dark cloud over my own head. No matter what I do, everyone will get hurt and so on..My mother, on the other hand, screams at me that it is worth it to risk my friendship and everything on this strong suspicion. A I've tried to talk nice to her about it. I told her to believe her daughter. She's not going to make something like this up. I told her that her kids were still young enough that all they want is to please their mother, but they are becoming teens and soon they will be adults. If you don't show them you love them, they will eventually stop caring about what you think and stop talking to you completely. It didn't help. She just gets upset and argues her ridiculous case and won't stop until I finally shut up. Then she argues her case some more for good measure.

One other friend told her that she treats her kids like slaves and that the older kids are not the parents of the babies...They should take responsibility for their younger kids and raise them themselves! And they were all in a type of club and her and her husband got their friends kicked out of the club for telling them what they thought. She's pretty tickled that she "put them in their place".

I've been thinking about trying to find a way to get her to give me the two older kids and then saying something to authorities? Or asking the daughter if she's being sexually abused and if she admits it to me then I can go to the friend and say look, she says this has happened and we need to go to the authorities. If you don't go with me, you are going to look guilty along with him. I can tell her that she can get assistance from the government to help her with her bills and he'll have to pay child support to her for the two younger kids.

You may wonder how I could be friends with a person like this, but we've been close for years...like sisters...actually, she has been a great friend over the years, but has become increasingly cruel to her kids over the years. Part of the reason I still talk to her is because of her children. I worry about them and I can only make their lives better if I stick around. I've watched her turn from a sweet woman to a this person I don't even know or understand. That is all another story. I need some advice, please. What do I do in this situation?