I want to stop

I've known, or been able to admit it to myself, now that I'm bulimic. I first started purging the food that I'd snack on to stay awake during studying. My boyfriend was coming home and I wanted to look good. I had been working out everyday, sometimes twice a day, and between work, and classes, I became very frustrated not seeing the results I wanted. I told myself that I would do it until he came back (2 weeks), that I just wanted to get down to the weight I was in high school, but it's been almost 4 months now; I haven't been able to stop. I'm afraid that if I do, the weight is going to start rushing back. This has affected me in such a way that not only are my periods irregular (which I believe is a symptom--I've had 2 in the last month, and I'm on birth control), but also I now eat much more than I did before knowing subconsciously that I can always just throw it up later. That thought alone scares me immensely--I've lost control.

I need help, but I am too frightened to tell my friends and my family. Please, if someone could tell me: what can I do to help myself without seeking any outside help? (Please email suggestions, advice, support. I really appreciate your time and help. Thanks in advance.) Tweet