my heart aches

Dear Dr. Sutter,

Today I had the time to read about your Vietnam experiences on your website. My tears are flowing and I can understand my Father a bit more now. Especially his incredible memory down to dates, times, and small details that escaped everyone elses attention. I was 11 when we put him on the bus; it was without a doubt, the WORST-DAY-OF-MY-LIFE. My mother had to pull me off of him so he could get on the bus, I was clinging to him so tenaciously because I knew that I might never see him again. That period of the sixties sits like a toxic mass encapsulated in my gut. When I remember my fear and dread and the horror being shown every night on the news I have reactions and when I hear certain music from that era or see certain infamous pictures I feel sick, heartsick and soulsick. It surprises me how close to the surface it is and how easily I can get emotional..my own ptsd maybe.

I did see him again, physically, 13 months later; but He was a shell of a man. He had an axe handle with, at least, a hundred notches in it. He keeps his secrets tho. He and my family, especially my mother and brother, have been thru hell these 40 years....he's 73 now and is in bad health. His major problem is ankylosing spondilytis and arthritis. I fear he is going to give up soon and I'm so sad. I don't think he's open to alternative medicine. His doctor has him on a low dose of chemotherapy and occasional steroids.

anyway, I just wanted to thank you for putting it out there for us and for speaking TRUTH. I salute you.

A Vietnam Vet's daughter. Tweet