The Mask of Plastic Surgery

from Bottom Line Health's July 19, 2007 Newsletter

The Mask of Plastic Surgery

I recently watched a mature woman being interviewed on a morning news program who had endured a terrible year with a divorce and a death in the family. It was truly very tragic for her. A year after all of the tragedy, she had felt that she had overcome her pain thanks to a face-lift and cosmetic dental work. She seemed happy and said she felt more confident. Perhaps she was, but can altering the outside actually help her better handle these very serious life challenges?

Aging and appearance has become such a peculiar issue in our culture. With mass media's worship of the young, nubile and wrinkle-free, getting older has become almost a character flaw -- to be delayed and, for many, denied whenever possible. It's hardly a surprise, then, that the popularity of plastic surgery and cosmetic techniques has soared both among the young and, more to the point, the old hoping to look young. This troubles me, frankly, but not because I am against cosmetic fix-ups. I worry that all this attention to the outside prevents people from looking at what is happening internally.

I took these concerns to life coach Lauren Zander, of The Handel Group (www. handelgroup.com), for her insights. Lauren first pointed out that this focus on appearances reaches beyond cosmetic changes -- many people today are primarily focused on the outward appearance of their lives. Rather than trying to keep up with the Joneses, they are trying to be the Joneses. They show off the "quality" of living that they have achieved through their home, clothes, cars, vacation choices, even the restaurants they patronize -- all kinds of external factors that people feel make them worthy.

Yes, attention to living a nice life is important and can be rewarding as well as fun... but when attention to physical or material measures takes priority over the emotional and spiritual aspects of life, it becomes dangerous -- it is now an attempt to draw meaning from things that are not intended to provide it or to hide behind them. This brings us back to the potential problem with plastic surgery, says Lauren. She is completely in favor of cosmetic surgery if, she says, it makes people feel better about a specific trait that they feel has held them back or gotten in their way of relaxing and being fully confident. But if the goal of surgery is to paint over feelings of not being good enough inside, the "solution" will be feeble and short lived and the emotional problems will soon rear their head again. Indeed, when people fixate on cosmetic changes -- or for that matter any external alteration or possession -- as "The Answer," they are courting trouble. For example, a woman might decide she needs a facelift to make herself prettier so that her marriage will be better. She is now stuck in the idea that an external change is the answer, which prevents her from looking inside where she is likely to find a real (however scary) solution to her unhappy marriage.

THE BEAUTY OF AGING

This perversion of focusing on a youthful appearance permeates the aging issue. Aging and all that it entails happens to everyone who lives, but some people attempt to sneak away from the feelings and fears by fixating instead on the youthful looks the surgeon, or hair dresser, or new clothes, or sports car can give them. "They focus on how great they look and this grants them, they think, permission not to experience the feelings about getting old," says Lauren. With their identity now centered on their external presentation, the question becomes, what are these people missing in their internal relationship with themselves? Are they afraid to be with themselves? Do they not like what they see? Are they afraid of what they see? In their determination to stay "young," are they throwing away the opportunity to evolve and develop pride and true acceptance of themselves, whatever their age? Are they not facing their fears of aging? Of dying?

FINDING A WHOLE NEW MEANING OF SELF

Aging offers people the opportunity to find new and deeper meaning in themselves and life. Without the familiar reassurance of looking as they did in youth, people are forced to decide whether to make themselves miserable about their lined face and sun-blotched hands, or to go deep within themselves to investigate and take pride in their real sense of self-worth and personal identification. It is an opportunity to stop looking in the mirror and instead reflect on the accomplishments of their lives... the sense of self... the people they've touched... and the big and small ways they have impacted the world around them. No one else can decide that for another. Everyone must venture into the deeper feelings and inner happiness and the experience of being alive and, yes, of getting old.

As a society we have backed ourselves into a corner on this aging thing, hiding behind another surgery to deny a little while longer the reality of accumulating years, or in the case of the woman on television, perhaps hiding behind her fears of being alone or of dealing with loss. It is time for people to come out into the open to demonstrate the grace and wisdom of age, says Lauren. Getting old is part of the cycle of life and can, indeed should, be a spiritual experience. Aging is a rite of passage and the challenge before us as we grow old is to explore the personal meaning of that rite of passage -- to live it, to enjoy it, to fully experience it.

Source(s):

Lauren Zander, life coach, the Handel Group, (www.handelgroup.com), coach@handelgroup.com.

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